i'm good at what?!?!?!

so often in life we are told what we are bad at.what it is we need to improve. "here are your gaps...";  "if you just worked on XXX aspect, we'd be fine....", and very rarely (or never) are we told that we are actually good at something.

i love companies who want to empower their employees. as an org psy hon graduate, this (somehow) naturally excites me. but i have learnt in all my years of working, that instead of leveraging your strengths, one is constantly being told, "fix this..."; "work on that"

can i tell you something crazy? we are all good at something. and not just one thing, but a multitude of things. that's actually what makes us different and in fact, one of a kind.

none of us are the same in what we can offer each other and the world. frank sinatra gave us music. clarke gable gave us movies. and tony robbins gave us cheesy motivational videos (for some reason those 3 people were the first on my mind). i look at the people i surround myself with, and they are all the most INCREDIBLE people i could have ever asked for. it feels borderline unfair really. but i will bet you that 80% of them feel that they are short on certain skills. that, "only if they studied XYZ would they be better"

can i tell you a secret? we are all actually BRILLIANT! yes BRILLIANT! capitalised and everything.

a friend of mine gave me this book called "now, discover your strengths" by Marcus Buckingham (it has small letters on the cover of the book as well). and reading through it, i started to actually realise that our focuses are completely misdirected. society says to focus on the negative instead of the positive. and we do the same with our own lives (my one doesn't have this very ostentatious cover....but whatever).

anyways, you read this book, right. and we all think we are rockstars. we are not. not by the longest shot. but we are all unique. and once we know and understand what makes us unique. and use that to our advantage, well then the world is more than just an oyster to us.

check out the book. do the test. it was a starting point of me going "oooh, now it makes sense..."

there's a summary here 

but hey, imjussayin

R

The Resurrection

Remember this old chestnut? It has been a while, hasn’t it?

I used to be an avid writer. It used to bring me so much joy and fulfilment. And then I stopped. For no clear reasons other than that, “I became too busy”; “I have no inspiration”; “who would actually read the garbage that I wrote”. But the main thing was that I wasn’t able to fit into any of the social media/blogging guidelines – my URL is too long; there is no clear theme/purpose of the blog; no social media connects; posts are too long; etc etc.

But I am on a new journey of self discovery, and I find that writing helps. A LOT!

Last year I realised then that I actually had no clue who/where I was in my own life, and in the world. I was living. Day to day. Getting up. Going to work. Meeting with friends. Having a blast. Day in. day out. But if I had to describe myself in one sentence, I was left sitting with a blank expression. Nothing actually made sense. I was a passenger in my life, and not in the driver’s seat deciding on the destination.

As a result I read. A lot. I spent a lot of time by myself. And oh boy did I journal the hell out of that year. I started taking yoga seriously (as a form of meditation and not because it was trendy). And I actively started meditating. All of these tools started helping me figure out , “what one earth is going on in that noodle of mine??”, but most importantly, “what is it that actually makes me happy and brings me that constant stream of happiness?”

The strange thing is that I started to uncover who I was, and what it meant in the greater scheme of my day to day life, life suddenly became that much easier. Issues were much easier to deal with. Decisions were much easier to make. My health was a much easier element of my life to deal with (I used to suffer from high blood pressure, and it dropped substantially).  And I was constantly happy. But really happy. WHAAAAT!!! My life was even easier to strategise and plan. Winning!

And then I hit another stumbling block recently. Ok, I have done all of this internalising. Great. But now, what next? Is what I had initially planned really what I want to do, or am I getting caught up in the day to day once again?  What are my passions? What gets me excited? What do I want to see myself doing in 10, 20, 30 years time. Do I make the system work for me, or do I say fuck the system and design my own?

So now I am on that journey, and let me tell you, a LOT of things I never realised, or had completely forgotten about are coming to the surface.

I am sure there are loads of people out there who are/have been asking themselves those same questions that I am in the process of finding answers to. So I invite you to join me on this journey of mine, and hopefully it will help uncover yours.

but hey, #imjussayin

R

#imjussayin #therereallywerenonamesavailable #thereturn #life #searching #exploration #journey #letsgetthiswritingon

all i see is changes

it's 6pm and it's already dark in durban and i am in my pyjamas.

that doesn't sound like me at all, does it? there is wine though, so some things are still ok in the world.

2 months ago i made the decision to move cities. well, it was more like the decision was made for me. an opportunity came out of nowhere at a time when i really needed a change, and i decided to take it. something new. something different.

change can be daunting. it can be nerve wrecking. it can be down right shit yourself scary. but it is also necessary. and can be one of the best life decisions one can make in order to grow and move further along your path.

deciding to leave all that you know and understand behind is a brave step for anybody. and a step that must be taken in its stride. with no expectations except hoping to survive and not become consumed with all the evils and negativities that the world likes to throw at you to test you. those are thrown in there because let's face it, the world is a cruel cruel place. but rolling with the punches, getting those bruises is ultimately what is going to help shape who you are you going to become eventually. or at least get you on that path.

when i left my cosy, comfortable, hedonistic cape town life, it could not have come at a better time. times were dark. shit was rough. most times i did't know whether i was coming or going, and instead opted to just float about and let things consume me. getting completely lost and not willing to accept reality. reality is a bitch. but it needs to be faced at some point. "eventually" we all say. my eventually had arrived. about damn time too.

and up i went to durban. durban? i still find myself saying it with such surprise at times. but like i said before, change is required in order to grow. i have taken it in its stride, and accepted it for what it is. trying hardest to not look back longingly at the life and person i left behind, but instead look forward to the life and person i choose to become.

and that's what we all need to do when life hands us these "eventually" moments. look ahead. look at the possibilities. take it for what it is. all past experiences have led us to this point of "eventually", and this is just the next round in the match.

2 months in and even i have seen a difference. apart from my skin feeling and looking great in this climate, i feel calm more than anything. i have been told i even sound different. i sure as hell feel different. i am still the same at the core, but i feel i just house it differently. in a home that works for this time of my life. and let me tell you, it feels really good. and my use of the word "different" more times than deemed necessary above only goes to show how this change is working.

and if it fucks out. it fucks out. such is life. take it. learn from it. and move on.

let me know how it goes when you reach your "eventually".

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

a tip for the fellas

a strange thing happened to me today. i have a friend, and we often flirt. i blatantly flirt because he gets slightly embarrassed, and i find that amusing.

i recently (as in today) picked up that he is constantly surrounded by girls , and i went "woah ho hey!". i mentioned this to him, and he blushed and told me that i was lucky to be one of the girls he associated himself with . i didn't know what to say, except high 5 him and call him a pimp.

2 seconds later i was suddenly attracted to him. he had done absolutely nothing differently in terms of our interaction, but because he had these girls who were always with him, i suddenly decided that there must be something desirable about him. must. have. him.

"bitches be crazy"

this got me to thinking that females really are strange characters. well, i have always thought that we were, but it's comical to find yourself in a situation where you are being the said strange character.  guys, think about this: how often have you been hanging out with a girl, she shows no interest, but the minute you are with another female her tiger claws come out and she is suddenly clawing away at you?  i bet it has happened on more than one occasion.


perhaps there is a primitive cause in this - wanting to be with the big chief in the clan and having to smack other bitches out of the way to get there? i don't know. i am just spitballing here. but there seems to be a bit of truth in there.

i am not going to delve into this any further because i have a crazy headache and want to go home, but i have seen this happen in real life, and my tip to you guys (i don't know if i should be telling you this, but whatever who cares): if you want a girl, get another girl in order to get that girl (this is for short-term happiness; longer term ideas requires a different recipe). it is as simple and as complicated as that.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

amendment to a zero sum game

last week i wrote a post about this thing one calls "game". i thought i knew what i was talking about. obviously when you write a blog post, you believe that you are the expert on said topic. thank heavens i rarely blog and that the content spans the most arb of topics.

anyways, i wrote this post. and then i was properly schooled this weekend.  i realised that i do in fact have game. and not game by the definition i supplied. yes, i met someone. yes, we had a great time. did i get into my animal predator mode and change anything about myself? no, not at all. i was just being my average 4am friday night rabi, which incidentally is the best me i can be as i make no sense, am pretty easy going and don't give a flying fuck.

after receiving a plethora of high fives from my friends the following day (as i said before, we had all agreed that i have no game), i thought about this for a bit. and i realised (which i should have known from the get go, and not been a self-defeatist child about this), that game isn't actually any slick or sick moves. it isn't about knowing what to say and when. it isn't take one step forward and one step back. there is in fact no A-Z definition of game. there are no rules, and there is no committee.

in fact, it is just you being the best you you can be, and believing that that best you is good enough. it is as simple as that. people are attracted to people who are genuine. if you are just you, then you will come out winning every time. i am not the prettiest, or coolest or smartest, but i am ok with that, because i am just me. and being just you is all the game you need.

i think about this character i met on friday night, no gimmicks, no tricks, just a simple, "hello, how are you?". literally. that was it. i kid you not. the fact that he was pretty hot obviously played no role in anything. but that type of approach was simple. and because there isn't a fanfare of bells and whistles, you let your guard down and are more relaxed and are then the best you you can be. and you come out winning!!

so we all have game. just don't be an idiot about it.

but hey, #imjussayin

zero sum game

this actually has very little to do with economics. although, perhaps the prisoner's dilemma could be wittingly incorporated somehow, but let's just see shall we.

as usual, i constantly spend time thinking about the interactions and relationships between people. recently, how individuals of the opposite sex engage with one another. i am a mere observer with a beer in the back. but what has really got me thinking lately (by watching my friends) is this element of "game".

now first and foremost, what exactly is "game"? can it be quantified? taught? bought? are you born with it? from my understanding, it is how you approach a prospective individual of the opposite sex, and somehow convince them that you are the best for them. that they should give you a chance. this happens without them even realising what is going on, and before they know it they are in bed with you. does that sound pretty correct?

i am constantly being told that i have no game, and it's true, by that definition i really do have none. I have witnessed friends do magical things in social situations once their eye is on the prize. eye. prize. done son. something switches on, and they suddenly adjust themselves in that moment and convert into animals seeking their prey. this yields results. and all without breaking a sweat.

i on the other hand choose to avoid such situations, and continue on my normal way of high fives and fist bumps. the occasional giggle here and there that even tends to surprise me. and here i wonder why i get nowhere.

so are these tactics that can be taught, or does one have to live out their lives without "game"? is game even important, or a fundamental starting block in relationships? does it not just overcomplicate situations? in my mind it should be boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy likes girl, girl likes boy. BOOM! and they run off into the sunset. what is the essential purpose of this game? the challenge perhaps? we all like a good puzzle and a bit of back and forth, but can a puzzle be too easy or overly complicated?

for those who don't have game, i am essentially trying to justify why it is okay to not have any. will i be successful in this justification? i don't even know myself.

but these are just questions and thought starters. i don't know the answers to any of this, and if i did, this blog post wouldn't even be a thought. let's chat....

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

drunk vs sober hook ups

it's saturday night. you are having a good time. shots are being poured. drinks are being thrown back. the sounds of laughter, music and slurred speech are in the air. you look across the dancefloor, and you see the  most "beautiful" (this is gauged differently throughout the evening as each drink is consumed) girl/guy you have ever seen. your loins start shouting, "Must. Have. That."

you realise that normal you would never have the courage to approach this being. but inebriated you is a completely different story. you pluck up your courage and do something about this. one thing leads to another, and you end up finding a lover for the evening.

when you are boozed, you are the best you you can be (as far as you are concerned). fearless. more attractive, intelligent, witty. why wouldn't people want to hook up with you? there is no such thing as "fear of rejection" or "standards" in this situation. you always have the excuse of "i was drunk"; "i wasn't in the right state of mind"; "huh? i hooked up??". when drunk, it is a situation of primitive sexual gratification. you are going to get some, no matter who/where it comes from (this is either followed by a high five from your friends, or a slap in the face).

show of hands: how many of you have hooked up with someone for the first time, and been stone cold sober (this question isn't applicable to those who don't drink. you are a breed i do not understand, and never will understand)? if your hand is up, "bravo!"  I had this experience once, and i don't know about you, but it threw me. people are attracted to each other without wine being in the mix? people can be intimate without having a few jagermeisters first? huh? what?

the thing that threw me is that unlike hooking up in a drunken situation, this type you can't brush off. this type carries a little more weight. this type takes a conscious sober effort to get down. it takes a rational mind to strategise how it is going to happen (no dancefloor. damnit!) there is calculated thought and process that goes into this. a fine example is dating. everything part of it is meticulously planned out, so that by the end of it, you can get you some boootay (although most dates will include some drinking to calm the nerves).

so what am i trying to ultimately say about the drunken hook up versus the sober hook up? the drunk version is just fun. satisfying a primal need. and satisfying it now. the sober one on the other hand takes a lot more time and effort. and it is more than just a physical satisfaction, there is something deeper there.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi