rules of social etiquette

as we grow up we are taught what to say, how to say it, how to act, what to do, what to wear, and how to think. there is a large guideline as how to one should act in certain situations, and appropriate measures for conducting one's behaviour. and this guideline is pretty helpful in keeping some sense of social order in the so-called crazy world we live in. we all know what to expect in certain situations. what to do. and how to react.

im cool with this...to an extent. i can adhere to the rules of the masses. i mean, like i said, it does keep some sense of order. but when it comes to how i must conduct myself, while only endangering myself, then i have an issue. let me explain, and then we can discuss....

i was born without a social filter, and have very little understanding of social subtext. no, but really. if i think back as a kid, i always did what i did when i wanted, and even though some actions were frowned upon by others, i never understood why they should care, or why in fact, it bothered them. i remember this particular incident in grade 7: there were about 70 of us in a school meeting type thing, and i really had to...um...you know...haveababyfart. and what i thought, and planned, to be a small one, actually surprised me...and the rest of the hall. so, i just proclaimed loudly that i was in fact the dodgy dealer, and apologised for my rudeness, and let the meeting continue. but what i remember not understanding was why everyone was embarrassed for me, when i wasnt even remotely embarrassed for myself. i rationalised it all by telling myself that i had done something completely human, and that what happened wasnt a big deal at all. i owned it, and didnt give 2 shits about what the others thought or felt.

now dont get it twisted, im not advocating happily farting in public. sometimes the occassion just doesnt call for it. what i am getting at here, is that one should be able to do and act the way they feel even if it goes against what society pegs as 'right' or 'wrong'.

with these social guidelines, people end up being restricted in what they can and cannot say. and with that, when they say what is really on their mind, its frowned upon. which is something i dont truly understand. if we are constantly being encouraged to be free in terms of what we say, do and think, then why is it that when we do just that, we get the stank eye?

there have been countless times when i have said something that i thought was honest and okay, and have received that 'look'. the one of judgment, disgust and for some obscure reason, pity. my thoughts are that if im not embarrassed by what i am saying, and can happily own it, then why is it an issue on the other side. ok, now it sounds like im advocating hate speech. i really am not. all the crap that i do say is rarely in a negative light. the point that im trying to drive home, is once again, that one should be able to say what they want. full stop. and not let their thoughts and actions be dictated by society's guidelines.

i have even been told that i cant decipher social subtext from the other side. i am useless. but i think thats a flirting thing, which i will address another day. but i really am useless. my thing is that if you are interested in someone, instead of just being straight up and saving eachother times, airtime, and just general rollercoaster feelings, one feels the need to play some kind of game that has been designed by the social BoD. but once again, this is a discussion for another day.

ok, this must seriously be a horrible read cos my thoughts are all over the show, but i really just needed to jot them down somewhere, and share them. open the floor in fact, and see if im just being crazy, or if we can cultivate a new social world where people are not afraid to just be, and with that be honest and open, and not be scared or embarrassed to be themselves. yes? no? maybe?

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi