i feel like one of the most fortunate women in the world. i am surrounded by the most incredible women i have had the luxury of meeting. all of them beautiful, intelligent, witty, independent, adventurous, can hold their liquor, know what they want out of life and arent afraid to go for it, and...single.
the last point, i fail to understand, really. jamie's brother (in fact, both of them) has asked us countless times why we are single. we shrug and say, 'boys are stupid'. they launch into a speech about how they do not understand the young men of today, because we are basically everything that i described above. and all we can do in response is shrug our shoulders and pour ourselves another glass of wine. i generally am not too phased by this, and console myself by saying 'boys are stupid', but yesterday, over lunch, my mates and i became increasingly bitter about this.
our discussion started with me telling them that there were couples all over the assembly the previous night, and i just didnt understand why they felt the need to come out. personally, i hate seeing couples doing their thing right in front of me. we all know what they are thinking, 'poor singleton. lets just lunge here, to make her feel that little bit more inadequate' (unfortunately for them, it takes a lot more than that to make me feel inadequate!). i just find it annoying, and dont understand why they cant do their thing at home. this escalated to the fact that even unattractive couples are roaming the streets in a cloud of bliss, whilst we shuffle along wondering, 'what the fuck'.
then the million dollar question was posed, 'well, what is wrong with us?'. we sat there, and thought. and thought. and thought some more. and couldnt come up with anything. puse and i were rolling off a list of attributes that we all have, but which somehow fail to attract the opposite sex. 'we are hot, we are sexy, we are intelligent, we are helluva funny, we are independent, we are free sprited, WHAT IS IT???'. we just had to conclude with the notion that perhaps boys are just stupid.
but really, are they? i refuse to actually believe it. i really do. and i think its a little bit unfair that we immediately jump to that conclusion. i am not arguing on the side of the male species here, in fact, i am trying to avoid an argument all together. i just dont understand the way in which they think. i look at all my friends, all amazing and incredible in their own ways, but all single. then i look at those individuals in couples, and say 'really?' what is it that a guy looks for in a girl with relationship potential? is it the girl who looks good on his arm? is it the girl who is a supporting actress in his movie? is it a chic he can lunge whenever he is drunk? what is it?
perhaps we are just socialising with the wrong subsection of the male species at this point in our lives. i mean, we are surrounded by university guys. young fellows still learning new things about the intricacies of their own lives and the women they surround themselves with. my friend, mbaita, posed the theory that most women of this day and age (us specifically) may just be too much maintenance for the types of guys we associate ourselves with. i had to agree with her on this point. we want to be independent, but still be taken care of . we want to be in control, but still want someone to call the shots from time to time. we want to be all seeing and all knowing, but want someone who will call us on our shit. we want everything, and we want nothing. we are pretty damn scary i think for most guys, i think. we come with a force, and refuse to be the supporting role in anyone else's live, but will happily have you be our supporting lead.
puse's theory is that boys are all about 40%-ers, and dont want to be on the Dean's merit list. i laughed.
i dont really know what point i am trying to make here. i think there are a few:
a) i have some amazing friends
b) i dont understand how all of them are single, and there are few prospects on the horizon (i include myself in this)
c) i dont understand how boys think, and am curious as to what makes them tick
d) some of us are crazy bitter at the moment, so if you are in a couple, dont cross my path
but hey, imjussayin
rabi
Rabz i feel you on the "stay outta my way unattractive couple" vibe, but maybe you need to be more introspective. Maybe its not about how witty, pretty, independent and unashamedly drunk (you call it holding your liquor?) you all are, but its about us...the guys. Maybe we're not ready, maybe we want to play the field, maybe we're just not that into you. This isnt chauvinistic its just reality like some of you just aren't THAT into us, i speak from frustrated Mr Cellophane experience. So find solace in the fact that we're all on the same page(except the Munter couples that smudge our unashamedly drunk and unsuccessful nights even further!) Oh, and as a side note, having lots of gay male friends isnt going to assuage your longing!#imjussayin (can i do that? is that illegal)
ReplyDeletemr cellophane (and please, do tell me the tale behind this. you can inbox me-i assume we are buddies),
ReplyDeletewe have no legal system on this blog. do and say what you must. its all about free love all night long!
i totally agree that we are all on the same page. i have had many guy mates come to me with their girl problems and dont understand why this or that chic doesnt like them (and at that time, i wonder that to myself too. and tend to wonder why on earth it is that these boys always come to me, but thats a story for another day). and when i listen to them, i see a lot of what i am thinking in what they are experiencing, and i realise that even though no one really talks about it, we are all exactly the same in this respect.
perhaps we are all at different stages and are looking for different things. some people are looking for someone to marry. others, someone to experience things with. i, just want someone in my bed. its that simple. and as we move along this chartered course, individuals will cross our paths who fulfill the very desires that need satisfying.
but thank you for shedding some light, and bringing your opinions and thoughts to the table. offers a new perspective, and lets flesh this out, baby!
actually, im lying. i dont know what i want.
ReplyDeletethis puse character sounds like a genius!i think that guys are so afraid of being the best they can be that they end up settling for girls who want lesser versions of themselves. ok,it's is an unfair generalization. lets say 40% are this kind. ok. and about 30% of them have small-penis syndrome, so they act like a player and will never ask you out (especially not if they like you)cos they think its macho to "play the field" and "make her pine for my love". the other 30% are either in relationships or have sworn off all things involving guy-and-girl action (these can be seen choking on their own chunder outside tin roof on a thursday night). the point is, by the time any of these guys wake up, the girl will have moved on, and the guy will be left bitter and alone (and horny). i know its 2010 and all, but guys, you need to step up!!
ReplyDeletek, lets not turn this into a male-bashing forum. this was not my intention. i was merely voicing my observations about what i have noticed in my surroundings.
ReplyDeletewe cant blame the males species for not being ready, playing the field, or just not being that into you (which i fail to understand, but different strokes). but someone will cross your path who is ready, doesnt want to play the field and is that into you (by then he would have learnt!). we are all at different stages, looking for different things at the moment. and you best believe, that boys have the same fears and thoughts as us (thank you, mr cellophane). they have to put up with a lot of shit from us fabulous women!
but seriously, do you even want a guy who is happy with settling, has small-penis syndrome or is still, at this age, chundering outside tinroof? i think we are better than that, dont you? those boys are stupid, and i will not be associated with them in any way, shape or form.
Ive seen my fair share of girls chundering, they are just more discrete. If you spent one night either in tin roof and tiger you will see girls doing the EXACT same things guys do. But neither I nor you are in to these boys and girls, so lets agree on that. Every boy who wakes up too late, will have paid sufficient school fees so that the next girl that comes along (could be you) he'll invest his heart (and maybe drink less). So all things that happen in life are lessons to be learned IN GOOD TIME. So dont judge and dont hate. One of my best friends would refer us to THE JOURNEY. Everyone's on one and you cant and nor should you want to change it. People grow the most from fleshing out their own journey's. And if he learns and grows up he will be good to/for you. And if she opens her eyes, she will realise how great i am and how lucky she could be or could have been. She's still learning...
ReplyDeletewise words, mr cellophane. i like where your head is at here. and you are bringing a new dimension to this conversation by bringing in this 'journey'. all things in life come at a certain time for a certain reason. some things dont happen when we want them to, but with that, we take lessons from it and grow as human beings. thats the beauty of life, and why we all endure pain and heartache at various junctures.
ReplyDeletei think the most important thing about this journey is that with everything happening in good time (the guy growing up, or the girl opening her eyes), we cannot sit and wait for this moment to happen. we have to be present in the present, and make the most of the current opportunities we have. it might totally fuck out, but we can take those lessons, so when we ultimately meet that person who is supposed to cross our path, we will hopefully come through the front door with some wisdom.
i totally appreciate the male perspective on this, and thank you mr cellophane, for shedding some light and for educating. and lets hope this girl learns soon. offer her extra lessons if you must.