i'm good at what?!?!?!

so often in life we are told what we are bad at.what it is we need to improve. "here are your gaps...";  "if you just worked on XXX aspect, we'd be fine....", and very rarely (or never) are we told that we are actually good at something.

i love companies who want to empower their employees. as an org psy hon graduate, this (somehow) naturally excites me. but i have learnt in all my years of working, that instead of leveraging your strengths, one is constantly being told, "fix this..."; "work on that"

can i tell you something crazy? we are all good at something. and not just one thing, but a multitude of things. that's actually what makes us different and in fact, one of a kind.

none of us are the same in what we can offer each other and the world. frank sinatra gave us music. clarke gable gave us movies. and tony robbins gave us cheesy motivational videos (for some reason those 3 people were the first on my mind). i look at the people i surround myself with, and they are all the most INCREDIBLE people i could have ever asked for. it feels borderline unfair really. but i will bet you that 80% of them feel that they are short on certain skills. that, "only if they studied XYZ would they be better"

can i tell you a secret? we are all actually BRILLIANT! yes BRILLIANT! capitalised and everything.

a friend of mine gave me this book called "now, discover your strengths" by Marcus Buckingham (it has small letters on the cover of the book as well). and reading through it, i started to actually realise that our focuses are completely misdirected. society says to focus on the negative instead of the positive. and we do the same with our own lives (my one doesn't have this very ostentatious cover....but whatever).

anyways, you read this book, right. and we all think we are rockstars. we are not. not by the longest shot. but we are all unique. and once we know and understand what makes us unique. and use that to our advantage, well then the world is more than just an oyster to us.

check out the book. do the test. it was a starting point of me going "oooh, now it makes sense..."

there's a summary here 

but hey, imjussayin

R

The Resurrection

Remember this old chestnut? It has been a while, hasn’t it?

I used to be an avid writer. It used to bring me so much joy and fulfilment. And then I stopped. For no clear reasons other than that, “I became too busy”; “I have no inspiration”; “who would actually read the garbage that I wrote”. But the main thing was that I wasn’t able to fit into any of the social media/blogging guidelines – my URL is too long; there is no clear theme/purpose of the blog; no social media connects; posts are too long; etc etc.

But I am on a new journey of self discovery, and I find that writing helps. A LOT!

Last year I realised then that I actually had no clue who/where I was in my own life, and in the world. I was living. Day to day. Getting up. Going to work. Meeting with friends. Having a blast. Day in. day out. But if I had to describe myself in one sentence, I was left sitting with a blank expression. Nothing actually made sense. I was a passenger in my life, and not in the driver’s seat deciding on the destination.

As a result I read. A lot. I spent a lot of time by myself. And oh boy did I journal the hell out of that year. I started taking yoga seriously (as a form of meditation and not because it was trendy). And I actively started meditating. All of these tools started helping me figure out , “what one earth is going on in that noodle of mine??”, but most importantly, “what is it that actually makes me happy and brings me that constant stream of happiness?”

The strange thing is that I started to uncover who I was, and what it meant in the greater scheme of my day to day life, life suddenly became that much easier. Issues were much easier to deal with. Decisions were much easier to make. My health was a much easier element of my life to deal with (I used to suffer from high blood pressure, and it dropped substantially).  And I was constantly happy. But really happy. WHAAAAT!!! My life was even easier to strategise and plan. Winning!

And then I hit another stumbling block recently. Ok, I have done all of this internalising. Great. But now, what next? Is what I had initially planned really what I want to do, or am I getting caught up in the day to day once again?  What are my passions? What gets me excited? What do I want to see myself doing in 10, 20, 30 years time. Do I make the system work for me, or do I say fuck the system and design my own?

So now I am on that journey, and let me tell you, a LOT of things I never realised, or had completely forgotten about are coming to the surface.

I am sure there are loads of people out there who are/have been asking themselves those same questions that I am in the process of finding answers to. So I invite you to join me on this journey of mine, and hopefully it will help uncover yours.

but hey, #imjussayin

R

#imjussayin #therereallywerenonamesavailable #thereturn #life #searching #exploration #journey #letsgetthiswritingon

all i see is changes

it's 6pm and it's already dark in durban and i am in my pyjamas.

that doesn't sound like me at all, does it? there is wine though, so some things are still ok in the world.

2 months ago i made the decision to move cities. well, it was more like the decision was made for me. an opportunity came out of nowhere at a time when i really needed a change, and i decided to take it. something new. something different.

change can be daunting. it can be nerve wrecking. it can be down right shit yourself scary. but it is also necessary. and can be one of the best life decisions one can make in order to grow and move further along your path.

deciding to leave all that you know and understand behind is a brave step for anybody. and a step that must be taken in its stride. with no expectations except hoping to survive and not become consumed with all the evils and negativities that the world likes to throw at you to test you. those are thrown in there because let's face it, the world is a cruel cruel place. but rolling with the punches, getting those bruises is ultimately what is going to help shape who you are you going to become eventually. or at least get you on that path.

when i left my cosy, comfortable, hedonistic cape town life, it could not have come at a better time. times were dark. shit was rough. most times i did't know whether i was coming or going, and instead opted to just float about and let things consume me. getting completely lost and not willing to accept reality. reality is a bitch. but it needs to be faced at some point. "eventually" we all say. my eventually had arrived. about damn time too.

and up i went to durban. durban? i still find myself saying it with such surprise at times. but like i said before, change is required in order to grow. i have taken it in its stride, and accepted it for what it is. trying hardest to not look back longingly at the life and person i left behind, but instead look forward to the life and person i choose to become.

and that's what we all need to do when life hands us these "eventually" moments. look ahead. look at the possibilities. take it for what it is. all past experiences have led us to this point of "eventually", and this is just the next round in the match.

2 months in and even i have seen a difference. apart from my skin feeling and looking great in this climate, i feel calm more than anything. i have been told i even sound different. i sure as hell feel different. i am still the same at the core, but i feel i just house it differently. in a home that works for this time of my life. and let me tell you, it feels really good. and my use of the word "different" more times than deemed necessary above only goes to show how this change is working.

and if it fucks out. it fucks out. such is life. take it. learn from it. and move on.

let me know how it goes when you reach your "eventually".

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

a tip for the fellas

a strange thing happened to me today. i have a friend, and we often flirt. i blatantly flirt because he gets slightly embarrassed, and i find that amusing.

i recently (as in today) picked up that he is constantly surrounded by girls , and i went "woah ho hey!". i mentioned this to him, and he blushed and told me that i was lucky to be one of the girls he associated himself with . i didn't know what to say, except high 5 him and call him a pimp.

2 seconds later i was suddenly attracted to him. he had done absolutely nothing differently in terms of our interaction, but because he had these girls who were always with him, i suddenly decided that there must be something desirable about him. must. have. him.

"bitches be crazy"

this got me to thinking that females really are strange characters. well, i have always thought that we were, but it's comical to find yourself in a situation where you are being the said strange character.  guys, think about this: how often have you been hanging out with a girl, she shows no interest, but the minute you are with another female her tiger claws come out and she is suddenly clawing away at you?  i bet it has happened on more than one occasion.


perhaps there is a primitive cause in this - wanting to be with the big chief in the clan and having to smack other bitches out of the way to get there? i don't know. i am just spitballing here. but there seems to be a bit of truth in there.

i am not going to delve into this any further because i have a crazy headache and want to go home, but i have seen this happen in real life, and my tip to you guys (i don't know if i should be telling you this, but whatever who cares): if you want a girl, get another girl in order to get that girl (this is for short-term happiness; longer term ideas requires a different recipe). it is as simple and as complicated as that.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

amendment to a zero sum game

last week i wrote a post about this thing one calls "game". i thought i knew what i was talking about. obviously when you write a blog post, you believe that you are the expert on said topic. thank heavens i rarely blog and that the content spans the most arb of topics.

anyways, i wrote this post. and then i was properly schooled this weekend.  i realised that i do in fact have game. and not game by the definition i supplied. yes, i met someone. yes, we had a great time. did i get into my animal predator mode and change anything about myself? no, not at all. i was just being my average 4am friday night rabi, which incidentally is the best me i can be as i make no sense, am pretty easy going and don't give a flying fuck.

after receiving a plethora of high fives from my friends the following day (as i said before, we had all agreed that i have no game), i thought about this for a bit. and i realised (which i should have known from the get go, and not been a self-defeatist child about this), that game isn't actually any slick or sick moves. it isn't about knowing what to say and when. it isn't take one step forward and one step back. there is in fact no A-Z definition of game. there are no rules, and there is no committee.

in fact, it is just you being the best you you can be, and believing that that best you is good enough. it is as simple as that. people are attracted to people who are genuine. if you are just you, then you will come out winning every time. i am not the prettiest, or coolest or smartest, but i am ok with that, because i am just me. and being just you is all the game you need.

i think about this character i met on friday night, no gimmicks, no tricks, just a simple, "hello, how are you?". literally. that was it. i kid you not. the fact that he was pretty hot obviously played no role in anything. but that type of approach was simple. and because there isn't a fanfare of bells and whistles, you let your guard down and are more relaxed and are then the best you you can be. and you come out winning!!

so we all have game. just don't be an idiot about it.

but hey, #imjussayin

zero sum game

this actually has very little to do with economics. although, perhaps the prisoner's dilemma could be wittingly incorporated somehow, but let's just see shall we.

as usual, i constantly spend time thinking about the interactions and relationships between people. recently, how individuals of the opposite sex engage with one another. i am a mere observer with a beer in the back. but what has really got me thinking lately (by watching my friends) is this element of "game".

now first and foremost, what exactly is "game"? can it be quantified? taught? bought? are you born with it? from my understanding, it is how you approach a prospective individual of the opposite sex, and somehow convince them that you are the best for them. that they should give you a chance. this happens without them even realising what is going on, and before they know it they are in bed with you. does that sound pretty correct?

i am constantly being told that i have no game, and it's true, by that definition i really do have none. I have witnessed friends do magical things in social situations once their eye is on the prize. eye. prize. done son. something switches on, and they suddenly adjust themselves in that moment and convert into animals seeking their prey. this yields results. and all without breaking a sweat.

i on the other hand choose to avoid such situations, and continue on my normal way of high fives and fist bumps. the occasional giggle here and there that even tends to surprise me. and here i wonder why i get nowhere.

so are these tactics that can be taught, or does one have to live out their lives without "game"? is game even important, or a fundamental starting block in relationships? does it not just overcomplicate situations? in my mind it should be boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy likes girl, girl likes boy. BOOM! and they run off into the sunset. what is the essential purpose of this game? the challenge perhaps? we all like a good puzzle and a bit of back and forth, but can a puzzle be too easy or overly complicated?

for those who don't have game, i am essentially trying to justify why it is okay to not have any. will i be successful in this justification? i don't even know myself.

but these are just questions and thought starters. i don't know the answers to any of this, and if i did, this blog post wouldn't even be a thought. let's chat....

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

drunk vs sober hook ups

it's saturday night. you are having a good time. shots are being poured. drinks are being thrown back. the sounds of laughter, music and slurred speech are in the air. you look across the dancefloor, and you see the  most "beautiful" (this is gauged differently throughout the evening as each drink is consumed) girl/guy you have ever seen. your loins start shouting, "Must. Have. That."

you realise that normal you would never have the courage to approach this being. but inebriated you is a completely different story. you pluck up your courage and do something about this. one thing leads to another, and you end up finding a lover for the evening.

when you are boozed, you are the best you you can be (as far as you are concerned). fearless. more attractive, intelligent, witty. why wouldn't people want to hook up with you? there is no such thing as "fear of rejection" or "standards" in this situation. you always have the excuse of "i was drunk"; "i wasn't in the right state of mind"; "huh? i hooked up??". when drunk, it is a situation of primitive sexual gratification. you are going to get some, no matter who/where it comes from (this is either followed by a high five from your friends, or a slap in the face).

show of hands: how many of you have hooked up with someone for the first time, and been stone cold sober (this question isn't applicable to those who don't drink. you are a breed i do not understand, and never will understand)? if your hand is up, "bravo!"  I had this experience once, and i don't know about you, but it threw me. people are attracted to each other without wine being in the mix? people can be intimate without having a few jagermeisters first? huh? what?

the thing that threw me is that unlike hooking up in a drunken situation, this type you can't brush off. this type carries a little more weight. this type takes a conscious sober effort to get down. it takes a rational mind to strategise how it is going to happen (no dancefloor. damnit!) there is calculated thought and process that goes into this. a fine example is dating. everything part of it is meticulously planned out, so that by the end of it, you can get you some boootay (although most dates will include some drinking to calm the nerves).

so what am i trying to ultimately say about the drunken hook up versus the sober hook up? the drunk version is just fun. satisfying a primal need. and satisfying it now. the sober one on the other hand takes a lot more time and effort. and it is more than just a physical satisfaction, there is something deeper there.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

stop to smell the flowers

earlier this year i bought a book. it was a very good book. however, it took me so long to get through the first half, because i just never had time. between work commitments and social commitments, when i got home, all i would want to do was lie on the couch and turn my brain off whilst i watched some series.

then one day, i took a bold step and a blanket, and headed for the park. yes, the park. and this was during my lunch break. the 1hr and 15mins in my day that i have to get away from the office, eat and recharge.

ever since that first day, i have never looked back. i head to the park religiously every single day. and don't feel happy if i am unable to go. i finished my book at a normal speed when this happened, and moved onto the next book. but it wasn't even about the book.

it was about taking that time to myself. we are all so busy with life, that we very rarely take the time to just live. time however is a luxury. running between clients, meeting deadlines, pulling hair out, leaves very little of the GMT +2 that you can use for yourself. to get back to you, and allow yourself to just be.

but 1hr a day is all that you need. and trust me, it feels amazing. you feel refreshed, and ready to get back into it when you return to the office (albeit, a little bit depressed because you have to return to the office). life stops looking so mundane and boring. you have a fresh new perspective on things, and it does make you that little bit happier.

find something you love. and whilst doing that, stop, and take time to smell the flowers.

but hey, #imjussayin
rabi

(image found on http://www.whatsonincapetown.com/post/venue-de-waal-park/)

'tsek!

there are many phrases and adages in the south african culture that are fantastically dismissive, with voetsek! (or the variation, ’tsek!) being the one that crosses cultural boundaries in this hot pot of a country. yet despite this dismissive-when-fed-up element of our culture, south africans as taxpayers have been complacent – as if there is an income ceiling for mass action. there are two particular things – actually three – that have caused me frustration this year, as a taxpayer – these induced the above thought.

the first is having official municipal car guards outside my office, charging R8/hour (i know this has been happening in Cape Town for a while, but it is new to the City of Gold). so this is in addition to my taxes? okay deep breath...

the second thing was the tolls (which have thankfully been put off for a while), but this essentially targets people moving into Johannesburg, of which there are an estimated 2 million, daily. these 2 million people are, largely, not coming to socialise, but to work and contribute to the continent's largest city-economy (fun fact: jo'burg's gdp is larger than all african countries, apart from south africa, nigeria and angola). so, again, this is in addition to our taxes? deeper breath...

and thirdly, came the cherry on this advantage-taking cake: the auditor general's report which said that there had been R1.4 billion worth of 'unauthorised expenditure' in gauteng in 2010/2011 and R48 billion worth of 'irregular expenditure'.

so, as a taxpayer, i should pay for services that should be included in my taxes, such as parking and using the highway, while the province spends R49.4 billion in a manner that seems to be a great mystery? 'tsek!


anyway, #imjussayin

jamie

2 amazing guys doing amazing things

i don't like to use this blog forum to promote anything. it's not my style. but if i believe in something so passionately, it just needs to be shared with the people who happen to stumble upon this space in their day to day lives.

how often have you sat around thinking that you want to explore the world. leave your desk job, and travel to places no one has ever dreamt of exploring. taste culinary delights never imagined. engage with old towns people you never thought you ever would. explore the world, and yourself in ways that you possibly can't fathom? and then realise that you have this responsibility, that responsibility, and the million and three other things on your to-do list. "i will eventually do it" you always seem to say.

well these two incredible creatures said, "screw that" and post university decided to embark on adventure i can't even imagine. just the 2 of them, a map, their bicycles and a little bit of hope, they have ventured on a journey, travelling from london to cape town.

5 months in and from what i have read on their blog, they are having the most incredible journey. when i am lucky to bump into them online, i get more snippets of the underworlds they have explored, in places most of us have never heard of.

i wanted to upload a video of their border crossings, but i can't seem to be able to do it. fuck. but read about the incredible things these 2 guys, tom and matt are getting up to. and live vicariously through them. it's what i do everyday, and i fear that we will no longer be friends when they return.

blog: tomandmattcycle.com
facebook: tom and matt cycle - the road less travelled
twitter: @tomandmattcycle

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

you, me and everybody time

i got home tonight to a dark house with no electricity. i was semi-okay with this. the only thing that worried me was the cold shower that i would have to take in the morning. and this was the only thing that compelled me to drive all over the southern suburbs looking for a shop that would sell me electricity. the thought that i could light some candles, pour a fat whisky, and listen to some smooth jazz from my laptop (with whatever battery power that i was allowed) was the appealing side of the coin.

i did eventually find electricity. and as thomas edison said, "let there be light", there it was. happy? no, not really. because now that i had power, i had no real reason to still light my candles, pour the whisky, and listen to some smooth jazz. hmmmm. what now? who the fuck cares? lights off. candles on. whisky poured. and django reinhardt coming out of the speakers. i call this my little piece of heaven.

alone time has got to be the most underrated thing in the world. we all seek love and belonging to social groups, and want to be accepted by these groups. to be constantly surrounded by people. feeling really uncomfortable when we are alone. i know a lot of people who can't sit in a cafe, let alone, go to a movie without someone with them. i find these alone times to be the most fulfilling.

sitting on your own, and getting comfortable in your own space is the biggest reward you can give to yourself. it's time that you allow yourself to just be you, with no judgment from people on the outside. you can dictate your thoughts, come to your own conclusions, make your own decisions. think about who it is that you really are, when you don't have other people around defining you.

i'm a huge advocate for alone time. it is something that unfortunately i never get the luxury of having. but when i do get it, oh boy do i cherish it. moments when you are by yourself cannot be ruined. there is no vibe killer, or party pooper. only you. just the way you came out of this world, and the way you will leave it, alone.

we do need people. but we also need ourselves. so take time, to just be with you. once in a while. now pour yourself that glass of wine, and grab that dvd/book/magazine/porn item/crossword puzzle/sudoku book/journal, and spend some quality time with you.

but hey, #imjussayin
rabi

another life lesson

i once met a boy. boy and i became good friends. feelings started to develop for said boy. and i could see that said boy felt the same. then one day i mustered up the courage to say how i felt. if not to be bold and daring, then it was because i generally am a complete idiot when it comes to the opposite sex (on some other kind of level. i guess i didn't get those tutorials that were given to all girls at the age of 13. i made up my own rules. rules that still don't seem to be working. but i digress).

so i told said boy how i felt. i wasn't expecting much to be honest. i was, and am, a pro at this kind of thing, so knew how to handle myself. i eagerly waited for a response...and waited...and waited...then i got one..."i'll holler back". huh? what? pie in my face.

i left it. wasn't upset, because hadn't been told anything. was pissed off, because i hadn't been told anything. said boy still wanted to hang out with me. so i let this slide, and we were good mates yet again.

then said boy started seeing a friend of mine. don't worry, at this point i was over said boy. however, i was completely oblivious to it all, until friend asked me something that indicated that they were seeing each other. pie in my face. said boy had said nothing. i was the fool at the table.

i got angry with said boy. now there were 2 pies in my face. but got over it, because i don't take too kindly to getting pie in my face, and don't like playing the pie throwing game. the issue for me wasn't that said boy was seeing friend, it was the disrespect that he treated our relationship, and me.

and that's where this story about said boy is going. respect in relationships. in this world, we live on a love train, or at least want to get aboard the love train. but the minute you treat someone whom you love with disrespect, and are not honest with them, you get kicked off without getting your ticket punched. honesty in any relationship is the most important thing, because without it, what do you have? a tunnel of lies that you have to dig deeper and not out of. it shows a lack of character in the person who is being dishonest, and causes both parties to take a closer look at themselves.

i am writing this post mainly to bitch and vent, but also to bring a lesson out of this. every single person in this world is a special, remarkable human being and has something to offer. don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise. build yourself up, and surround yourself with positivity and positive people. people who make you feel better, and make you want to be better. people who piss all over you, can just fuck off. you don't need them in your life. take care of yourself first, because at the end of the day, its you and you alone. and you want to be happy and love yourself at that point.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

what doesn't kill you

i'm generally not a very stressful person. i take things as they come, and if something unexpected occurs that i am not a fan on, i just deal with it head on. external pressures generally don't phase me. it's the internal pressure that gets me every time. but even that doesn't happen often enough.

but somehow this past month, the external pressures have affected the internal pressures, and lets just say that it has not been pretty. really. it resembled the clutch out of 2010 but was a little different because it wasnt a case of me not feeling comfortable in my space, it was a case of me having to get a lot of bruises and scars in order to learn from them no matter how hard it would be.

so work has been a nightmare. with things not just working out the way one would want to. ordinarily i would say that you can't let things like other people affect who you are and how you view yourself. but sometimes without your knowledge this stuff happens, and before you know it you are in a blubbering heap in the shower feeling sorry for yourself. needless to say, it was extremely tough, and completely affected by energy. i had a dark cloud that followed me everywhere, and this did not sit well with me at all.

but after yet another one of my freakouts, i had a think. and as obvious as it may seem, i only then realised that these knocks in life are there to teach you. to help you grow as a person. and to help you to discover who it is you really are. its when you are at your worst that you take a close look at things and make decisions about the kind of person you want to be. not for everyone else, but for yourself.

so that's what i did. i thought about who i was, and what i was turning into, and to be honest i wasnt a fan of the person looking back at me in the mirror. life is tough. if it wasn't, what would the point be. we all have to go through difficult times, and its the lessons that we learn from those times that really makes us who we are. throughout our lives we will encounter difficulties, they are unavoidable. you may want to call it quits. but believe it or not, as cheesy as it sounds, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. and one day, you can look back and either think that you were being a little bitch, or think that the pain and tortured you endured helped you become a stronger person and deal with things later in life.

so it's true what they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

can i have a little anthem with a side of butchered f&*% up

i am sure that you have all seen the ard matthews clip from supersport. the one where he 'sings' the national anthem? if not, have a look.

watching this clip was one of the most painful 2:15mins of my life. it was like watching a car crash where you don't like what you see, but you can't look away. let's discuss...

we as south africans are a very proud group of people. we are quick to judge and scrutinise our country, and more often than not, threaten to leave. but if one person takes one jab at our country, we are up in arms and are quick to defend our birthplace and our home. and having someone anally rape the national anthem is one of the deepest stabs to our belly.

yes, ard matthews made a complete fool of himself on national television, and i will be interested to see how his PR team handles this one. sex and drug scandals are easy to sort out, but this kind of shenanigan, not so much. but he highlighted a problem that a lot of south africans have, and that i have most definitely noticed growing up.

our national anthem is such an intricate part of our country's history. it was the first mark of democracy and equality. it signified us moving forward as one, and growing as a nation. i remember being in grade 1 in 1994, and having to learn how to draw the new south african flag, and learn the new anthem. it was the beginning of a new world. a world filled with growth and opportunity.

there are 4 verses in 4 different languages: xhosa, sesotho, afrikaans and english. we have a11 official languages, but to put all of them in a song would keep us singing for 3 hours straight; so we have 4. these are 4 important verses that every single south african should know, with no excuses. if you cant pronounce the words, thats okay, as long as you get the gist of it, and are still able to sing the entire song with pride. but the problem is that too many people don't know all 4 verses. they only know 2, namely english and afrikaans.

you have all heard it. when you are in a big stadium or hall, or even a bar, and everyone gets up to sing the anthem with their hands on their hearts. there are people singing, trying their best, but the minute 'uit die blou...' starts, the crowd erupts, and sings from a part of themselves that wasnt present at the beginning. suddenly the words to the song come back to them.

now this is just embarrassing. appalling in fact. it highlights the segregation that we are trying so hard to fight. i don't know if its a case of people not wanting or not willing to learn the whole anthem, but it just isnt right. i get upset about it, and i have black friends and white friends alike who are also insulted by this.

how is it that people don't know the anthem? are you no longer taught it at junior school? where is this falling off the map?

yes, ard matthews royally f&*%ed up, but he just highlighted a problem that a lot of people are experiencing, and that needs to be addressed. we should be proud of who we are, and how far we have come, and something as simple as not knowing the anthem is a slap to the face of millions.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

the human touch

in this new digital age of twitter, facebook, bbm, skype and the million other communication media and social networks, it is a lot easier to keep in touch with a lot more people. you are kept up to date as to the comings and goings of your friends, you can maintain contact with those in distant lands, and you can find long lost loves and friends whom you thought you would never see or hear from again.

that's great, right? or is it?

with communication taking this turn, yes we are kept abreast of what's what, but what we are losing, and missing out on is that basic human contact that you, me and everyone else needs. it is a basic human need, that feeling of love and belonging (maslows 3rd level thank you very much). human contact provides that acceptance that the digital age doesn't allow us.

i have two very good male friends. i can easily count them amongst my best friends. and whenever i leave them, i am filled with this feeling of hope, comfort, confidence, happiness, optimism, and just good old fashioned love. and no, i am not in love with either of these two, they are the kind of people who aren't remotely afraid of human contact. they are always there with a hug filled with good energy, touch your arm when they talk to you in order to fully engage with you, are around in your personal space. they are not only in contact with you with words, but also with their whole being.

and that is the essence of human contact, where you can completely envelope someone in whatever communication you are trying to achieve. it boosts your self esteem and makes you feel just grand. which is something that is slipping away quicker than i care to imagine thanks to this new digital age. don't get it twisted, i am appreciative of my facebook, twitter and skype accounts, but think that communication between people shouldnt stop there. there is more that can be said with a hug, than can ever be said via a QWERTY board.

this contact is an important component of growth and development of our species, and i fear that it is falling at the wayside. with human contact you can transfer a lot more energy from one person to the next, than any other way. human contact never lies like words do. it is the truth, and the truth that has a more positive effect on you than anything that you can do on your own.

so, even though we are all busy with our lives. trying to get somewhere. trying to run away from somewhere else. take a moment. give a hug. be open. and you will be surprised at the difference it makes. its some other kind of awesome.

*hug*

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

colour blind

when i was a little girl, i remember sitting in the passenger seat of my mom's blue honda ballade on our way home and i was telling her this riveting tale about my friends melissa, tamlyn, and maybe even jessica. after i regaled her with this tale of epic proportions, she turned to me and said, 'you know, you are colourblind.' 'huh?' i responded, clearly seeing the robot turning green in front of me, and she then explained to me that i don't see colour and that i am friends with who i want to be friends with, and not based on their racial grouping. this was around 1995. and the fact that i went to a whites-only school obviously had NOTHING to do with the fact that all my friends were white.

as i grew up, my white friends grew up with me. and the number of them increased. i didnt see anything wrong with this. there were moments when i thought that i didnt relate to these friends of mine on a certain level e.g. commiserating with them when you told them your dad went to fetch a belt because you were being cheeky, or thinking about and craving that sunday lunch smell you find only at your grandmothers house after church, but this didn't phase me. this was the generation of the new south africa. we were all going to be friends forever.

i was the token black girl in many situations. for most of my life in fact. at parties, girls would introduce me to the only other black guy there and assume it would be love at first site. really???? the temptation to introduce taryn to the ugliest steve i had seen in my life was overwhelming. i mean, he is white too, surely it should be love at first site?? but this was the norm.

and as i got older and older, i started to accrue more and more black friends. i realised that there were other people who had been in the same situation as me. being the token, and having predominantly white friends. and not just others, there was a whole generation of us. and upon entering university, it was as though a whole new world had opened up to me. a place where this new generation of modern day black kids could all relate to one another on a level that no one else would understand. our own little world if you must.

my dad was elated about this progress, as he never failed to warn me that this sunshine and moonbeams world that i have created for myself where everyone rides unicorns and drinks mojitos, does not exist. there were innumerable warnings about the real world and the work place - "in this world, blacks and whites are not friends. this is the reality of the situation, my child" he would say. "psshhh" i would reply. but this thought always sat in the back of my mind.

i then started working this year, and finally saw exactly what it was what he meant. i found it alarming, but strangely enough, i was not very surprised. i walked into the building confident, feeling great and ready to make a name and place for myself. the reception i received wasnt as favourable as i was hoping for. "hmmmmm, this is interesting".

what i noticed, and have been noticing, is that there is a definite divide in the work place. the general tone is that there are the white kids, and there are the black and coloured kids. its an interesting thing to see in the working world, where majority of the work force are in their mid-late 20s and early 30s, and that this divide is still so prevalent.

but perhaps its because there are actual differences between us. cultural and social difference. there are things that, like i said before, i can relate to on a much better level with black people, especially this new generation. we were all token black kids growing up, and now we have all seemed to have found one another. we laugh about incidences growing up that few others, including our parents will understand. memories that only we will have ie metro fm on a sunday whilst you can smell the raja in the kitchen; your grandmother threatening you with castor oil as a remedy for any ailment you may have; the aunties who would give you those awful wet kisses at family gatherings, when all you wanted to do was be at home watching ktv; socials where you had to fall in love with the black guy/girl; people constantly mispronouncing your name. ah, those were the days.

we have been awarded a rare opportunity where we can define who we are as a social group and with social standing. the black kids of today. all those born from the mid-80s onwards (the 90s kids are another breed that we will discuss another day). we should be role models for the generations that follow. give them something to aspire to. make a world that we can call our own.

but these are just my thoughts.

#imjussayin

rabi

no real purpose

Jamie and i originally started this blog with no particular purpose. well, apart from the fact that we kept spamming everyone's wall with our wall posts, it was just a place to right anything and basically everything. it then evolved to a place where we would discuss thing we had learnt about ourselves and the world: relationships, dynamics, economics, anything. jame deals with the intellectual, i deal with the social and emotional. there is something for everyone. but the main focus is on the learning experiences each and every one of us goes through.

now, just because we are hush hush at times, don't for one second think that we are not out there experiencing and learning all there is that the world has to offer. every single day offers new opportunities for growth and development, and don't you forget that little fact. never take your shit for granted!

right now i'm just writing for the sake of writing. i have ideas in my head that are swirling around like an LG whirlpool, but its gathering and sorting that washing that is proving to the be the most difficult thing at the moment. and now that i have a job, i feel that i have to censor what it is that i say now. does anyone else have that feeling, or is it just me? does that happen at one point in your life, where you can no longer have that youthful freedom and have to tailor everything that you say and do to please somebody else? but then at what point are you selling yourself short? cutting yourself out of the deal? losing your sense of spirit?

there's no real purpose to this post. am speaking for the sake of speaking, and truth be told, i do miss all of you in the blogosphere.

but i guess this blog is called #imjussayin for a reason, isnt it :)

rabi

pieces of heart lying everywhere

yesterday i felt emotions i didnt know existed in the general world, let alone that i could harbour such feelings. this freaked me out more than anything in the world, and as usual got me thinking. and you know when i start thinking about the world and relationships within, i have to present them to the forum for a discussion and see if we can unpack this.

on one of my many global excursions i met a boy (as one does). he was amazing. incredible in fact. made me laugh. made me feel awkward. made me feel like a teenager - butterflies and all. nothing happened. when i returned back to the land of the ZAR, i felt compelled to tell him how i felt (a little too late most would say), and he shared the exact same sentiments. we were both upset that neither of us made a move, but couldnt dwell on that. "woop woop" wasnt enough to describe how i felt when i saw that email from him. then sadness dipped into my heart when i realised that we were on opposite sides of the world, and the notion of us being together was just a dream. but a great dream at that.

so, no matter what i would lend a minute to him in my thoughts everyday. just a minute to let my heart have a bit of a flutter. whenever he sent me a mail, my face would break into a huge smile; i would go all warm and fuzzy inside. if i saw him on skype, i would fall off my chair due to the sheer excitement, then run to the bathroom to fix myself up before clicking 'call'. i never let the reality of the situation affect me, and decided instead to enjoy the fantasy. and thank god to me upgrading my phone, everyday communication was no longer a chore. it became a norm.

until he recently broke the news to me that he was in fact gay. hmmmmm. upon reading this, my first thought was 'who stole his phone and is playing this practical joke?' i was in no way prepared for such news, and even worse, what i felt. this was a complete curve ball. did i not notice anything? apparently not.

i have had a fair few friends come out to me. and i have always handled this with grace and elegance, and gone on to support them as much as much as possible. this time there was no grace nor elegance. all i could think was 'so has everything been a lie then?'. and for some unbeknown reason i was trembling and fighting back the tears. what the hell?? i felt sad. i felt betrayed. and to an extent, heartbroken.

and then i realised that i was being completely selfish with my emotions. what was he going through, and how difficult must it have been for him to tell me news like this. but at the same time, i just could not handle this, and was taking a full on minute to process the news. what is the appropriate response in such a situation? when you meet someone, and have an incredible connection and think one thing, but in actual fact you were completely wrong, and not at any single point where you made to think any differently. we were both dealing with the same thing from different perspectives- him receltly coming to terms with his sexuality, and me coming to the terms with not knowing what to feel nor what to think about everything from the moment we met. its a lot to process from both sides, and at the same time difficult to understand.

is it okay to be angry? is it okay to be sad? what is the correct recourse in this situation? what emotions are acceptable? i was feeling things i never knew i was capable of feeling, with an intenstity i almost couldnt bear. is that acceptable? i realised that i liked him a lot more than i thought i did, and that hurt even more. but at the end of the day, he is not to blame. no one is. but now what?

the love that we expressed to one another during this was intense. deep. but can we ever get to where we used to be? my heart still aches whenever i think about it though. it kind of sucks. but i am proud of him too.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

what's your relationship status?

i have been thinking about relationships quite a lot recently. wondering what they mean; what they stand for; the criteria for one; and whether i want one, or am even ready for one, and if so, when will it happen?

most of you know that jamie is in a relationship. some people are shocked by this announcement, and to be honest, when it first came about those many months ago, i was shocked too. i mean, this is my best friend, and for ages it had been me and her against the world. screw relationships. screw love. screw men (well, um...ja, but hopefully you catch my drift). then she entered a relationship with the coolest dude ever, and i noticed a change. a good change. i had always feared that some man would come in and shut down the party, but if anything, he has done the complete opposite, and brought us closer together. and he seems to have removed most, if not all, of the cynism she had towards relationships.

i on the other hand am still holding down the fort. team cynism, lets go! but recently i met someone. this dude. he is cool. we have been hanging out. and its as simple as that. most of my friends have been plaguing me with questions from day 1 about what our relationship status, and my answer has always been the same, "we are not in a relationship. we are just hanging out". and i stuck to this, because even though at times i would question my own beliefs, there was no need for me to think that things were any different. and when i did think differently, a call was immediately made to the war council

then came 'the talk'. yup, that talk. and the minute he brought it up, i started to freak out in my mind. i didnt know what his direction was going to be, and how i would feel about what he would say. what did i want??? did i want to stay where i was? did i want to take that leap? shit!

"I dont want a relationship" he said, and truth be told, i actually breathed a sigh of relief. thank god! this relief did bother me a little bit. was that the appropriate reaction? but we opened the discussion to the floor and decided that we aren't in a relationship and that we are totally comfortable with where we are. we are happy with the way things are. we did establish one rule though, and that is that there is honesty at all times regarding the pace and direction of this non-relationship relationship. we fist bumped to make it official.

now, my question is, is this a realistic endeavour? or have we completely redefined what happens between 2 people? seemingly we are in an open relationship, but do these really actually work? and if so, how? can they be successful with one person not getting hurt? and are they really fair to both parties involved? in essence, we are having our cake and eating it, but doesnt too much cake make you sick? we all saw how that fat kid suffered through those chocolate cakes in Matilda. and is there the possibilty that we could find ourselves in the same relationship location as jamie? or are we just wasting our time?

and with these answers pending, do you sign out now to avoid finding out, or do you just wait it out and learn from experience?

does the relationship still mean what it used to mean?

i dont know, but hey #imjussayin

in my spare time ...

not exactly in my spare time, there is no spare time, but time can be made spare at the expense of less interesting endeavours.

i was just doing some work and profiling bhp billiton. this company's revenue for 2010 amounted to about US$52 billion. anyway, so i looked up the IMF's 2010 estimates for the GDP of African countries ...as one does. in this table, all the countries in green have GDPs that are less than the revenue of BHP Billiton-one company. tis ridiculous.

#imjussayin

jamie