another life lesson

i once met a boy. boy and i became good friends. feelings started to develop for said boy. and i could see that said boy felt the same. then one day i mustered up the courage to say how i felt. if not to be bold and daring, then it was because i generally am a complete idiot when it comes to the opposite sex (on some other kind of level. i guess i didn't get those tutorials that were given to all girls at the age of 13. i made up my own rules. rules that still don't seem to be working. but i digress).

so i told said boy how i felt. i wasn't expecting much to be honest. i was, and am, a pro at this kind of thing, so knew how to handle myself. i eagerly waited for a response...and waited...and waited...then i got one..."i'll holler back". huh? what? pie in my face.

i left it. wasn't upset, because hadn't been told anything. was pissed off, because i hadn't been told anything. said boy still wanted to hang out with me. so i let this slide, and we were good mates yet again.

then said boy started seeing a friend of mine. don't worry, at this point i was over said boy. however, i was completely oblivious to it all, until friend asked me something that indicated that they were seeing each other. pie in my face. said boy had said nothing. i was the fool at the table.

i got angry with said boy. now there were 2 pies in my face. but got over it, because i don't take too kindly to getting pie in my face, and don't like playing the pie throwing game. the issue for me wasn't that said boy was seeing friend, it was the disrespect that he treated our relationship, and me.

and that's where this story about said boy is going. respect in relationships. in this world, we live on a love train, or at least want to get aboard the love train. but the minute you treat someone whom you love with disrespect, and are not honest with them, you get kicked off without getting your ticket punched. honesty in any relationship is the most important thing, because without it, what do you have? a tunnel of lies that you have to dig deeper and not out of. it shows a lack of character in the person who is being dishonest, and causes both parties to take a closer look at themselves.

i am writing this post mainly to bitch and vent, but also to bring a lesson out of this. every single person in this world is a special, remarkable human being and has something to offer. don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise. build yourself up, and surround yourself with positivity and positive people. people who make you feel better, and make you want to be better. people who piss all over you, can just fuck off. you don't need them in your life. take care of yourself first, because at the end of the day, its you and you alone. and you want to be happy and love yourself at that point.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

what doesn't kill you

i'm generally not a very stressful person. i take things as they come, and if something unexpected occurs that i am not a fan on, i just deal with it head on. external pressures generally don't phase me. it's the internal pressure that gets me every time. but even that doesn't happen often enough.

but somehow this past month, the external pressures have affected the internal pressures, and lets just say that it has not been pretty. really. it resembled the clutch out of 2010 but was a little different because it wasnt a case of me not feeling comfortable in my space, it was a case of me having to get a lot of bruises and scars in order to learn from them no matter how hard it would be.

so work has been a nightmare. with things not just working out the way one would want to. ordinarily i would say that you can't let things like other people affect who you are and how you view yourself. but sometimes without your knowledge this stuff happens, and before you know it you are in a blubbering heap in the shower feeling sorry for yourself. needless to say, it was extremely tough, and completely affected by energy. i had a dark cloud that followed me everywhere, and this did not sit well with me at all.

but after yet another one of my freakouts, i had a think. and as obvious as it may seem, i only then realised that these knocks in life are there to teach you. to help you grow as a person. and to help you to discover who it is you really are. its when you are at your worst that you take a close look at things and make decisions about the kind of person you want to be. not for everyone else, but for yourself.

so that's what i did. i thought about who i was, and what i was turning into, and to be honest i wasnt a fan of the person looking back at me in the mirror. life is tough. if it wasn't, what would the point be. we all have to go through difficult times, and its the lessons that we learn from those times that really makes us who we are. throughout our lives we will encounter difficulties, they are unavoidable. you may want to call it quits. but believe it or not, as cheesy as it sounds, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. and one day, you can look back and either think that you were being a little bitch, or think that the pain and tortured you endured helped you become a stronger person and deal with things later in life.

so it's true what they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi