can i have a little anthem with a side of butchered f&*% up

i am sure that you have all seen the ard matthews clip from supersport. the one where he 'sings' the national anthem? if not, have a look.

watching this clip was one of the most painful 2:15mins of my life. it was like watching a car crash where you don't like what you see, but you can't look away. let's discuss...

we as south africans are a very proud group of people. we are quick to judge and scrutinise our country, and more often than not, threaten to leave. but if one person takes one jab at our country, we are up in arms and are quick to defend our birthplace and our home. and having someone anally rape the national anthem is one of the deepest stabs to our belly.

yes, ard matthews made a complete fool of himself on national television, and i will be interested to see how his PR team handles this one. sex and drug scandals are easy to sort out, but this kind of shenanigan, not so much. but he highlighted a problem that a lot of south africans have, and that i have most definitely noticed growing up.

our national anthem is such an intricate part of our country's history. it was the first mark of democracy and equality. it signified us moving forward as one, and growing as a nation. i remember being in grade 1 in 1994, and having to learn how to draw the new south african flag, and learn the new anthem. it was the beginning of a new world. a world filled with growth and opportunity.

there are 4 verses in 4 different languages: xhosa, sesotho, afrikaans and english. we have a11 official languages, but to put all of them in a song would keep us singing for 3 hours straight; so we have 4. these are 4 important verses that every single south african should know, with no excuses. if you cant pronounce the words, thats okay, as long as you get the gist of it, and are still able to sing the entire song with pride. but the problem is that too many people don't know all 4 verses. they only know 2, namely english and afrikaans.

you have all heard it. when you are in a big stadium or hall, or even a bar, and everyone gets up to sing the anthem with their hands on their hearts. there are people singing, trying their best, but the minute 'uit die blou...' starts, the crowd erupts, and sings from a part of themselves that wasnt present at the beginning. suddenly the words to the song come back to them.

now this is just embarrassing. appalling in fact. it highlights the segregation that we are trying so hard to fight. i don't know if its a case of people not wanting or not willing to learn the whole anthem, but it just isnt right. i get upset about it, and i have black friends and white friends alike who are also insulted by this.

how is it that people don't know the anthem? are you no longer taught it at junior school? where is this falling off the map?

yes, ard matthews royally f&*%ed up, but he just highlighted a problem that a lot of people are experiencing, and that needs to be addressed. we should be proud of who we are, and how far we have come, and something as simple as not knowing the anthem is a slap to the face of millions.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

the human touch

in this new digital age of twitter, facebook, bbm, skype and the million other communication media and social networks, it is a lot easier to keep in touch with a lot more people. you are kept up to date as to the comings and goings of your friends, you can maintain contact with those in distant lands, and you can find long lost loves and friends whom you thought you would never see or hear from again.

that's great, right? or is it?

with communication taking this turn, yes we are kept abreast of what's what, but what we are losing, and missing out on is that basic human contact that you, me and everyone else needs. it is a basic human need, that feeling of love and belonging (maslows 3rd level thank you very much). human contact provides that acceptance that the digital age doesn't allow us.

i have two very good male friends. i can easily count them amongst my best friends. and whenever i leave them, i am filled with this feeling of hope, comfort, confidence, happiness, optimism, and just good old fashioned love. and no, i am not in love with either of these two, they are the kind of people who aren't remotely afraid of human contact. they are always there with a hug filled with good energy, touch your arm when they talk to you in order to fully engage with you, are around in your personal space. they are not only in contact with you with words, but also with their whole being.

and that is the essence of human contact, where you can completely envelope someone in whatever communication you are trying to achieve. it boosts your self esteem and makes you feel just grand. which is something that is slipping away quicker than i care to imagine thanks to this new digital age. don't get it twisted, i am appreciative of my facebook, twitter and skype accounts, but think that communication between people shouldnt stop there. there is more that can be said with a hug, than can ever be said via a QWERTY board.

this contact is an important component of growth and development of our species, and i fear that it is falling at the wayside. with human contact you can transfer a lot more energy from one person to the next, than any other way. human contact never lies like words do. it is the truth, and the truth that has a more positive effect on you than anything that you can do on your own.

so, even though we are all busy with our lives. trying to get somewhere. trying to run away from somewhere else. take a moment. give a hug. be open. and you will be surprised at the difference it makes. its some other kind of awesome.

*hug*

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

colour blind

when i was a little girl, i remember sitting in the passenger seat of my mom's blue honda ballade on our way home and i was telling her this riveting tale about my friends melissa, tamlyn, and maybe even jessica. after i regaled her with this tale of epic proportions, she turned to me and said, 'you know, you are colourblind.' 'huh?' i responded, clearly seeing the robot turning green in front of me, and she then explained to me that i don't see colour and that i am friends with who i want to be friends with, and not based on their racial grouping. this was around 1995. and the fact that i went to a whites-only school obviously had NOTHING to do with the fact that all my friends were white.

as i grew up, my white friends grew up with me. and the number of them increased. i didnt see anything wrong with this. there were moments when i thought that i didnt relate to these friends of mine on a certain level e.g. commiserating with them when you told them your dad went to fetch a belt because you were being cheeky, or thinking about and craving that sunday lunch smell you find only at your grandmothers house after church, but this didn't phase me. this was the generation of the new south africa. we were all going to be friends forever.

i was the token black girl in many situations. for most of my life in fact. at parties, girls would introduce me to the only other black guy there and assume it would be love at first site. really???? the temptation to introduce taryn to the ugliest steve i had seen in my life was overwhelming. i mean, he is white too, surely it should be love at first site?? but this was the norm.

and as i got older and older, i started to accrue more and more black friends. i realised that there were other people who had been in the same situation as me. being the token, and having predominantly white friends. and not just others, there was a whole generation of us. and upon entering university, it was as though a whole new world had opened up to me. a place where this new generation of modern day black kids could all relate to one another on a level that no one else would understand. our own little world if you must.

my dad was elated about this progress, as he never failed to warn me that this sunshine and moonbeams world that i have created for myself where everyone rides unicorns and drinks mojitos, does not exist. there were innumerable warnings about the real world and the work place - "in this world, blacks and whites are not friends. this is the reality of the situation, my child" he would say. "psshhh" i would reply. but this thought always sat in the back of my mind.

i then started working this year, and finally saw exactly what it was what he meant. i found it alarming, but strangely enough, i was not very surprised. i walked into the building confident, feeling great and ready to make a name and place for myself. the reception i received wasnt as favourable as i was hoping for. "hmmmmm, this is interesting".

what i noticed, and have been noticing, is that there is a definite divide in the work place. the general tone is that there are the white kids, and there are the black and coloured kids. its an interesting thing to see in the working world, where majority of the work force are in their mid-late 20s and early 30s, and that this divide is still so prevalent.

but perhaps its because there are actual differences between us. cultural and social difference. there are things that, like i said before, i can relate to on a much better level with black people, especially this new generation. we were all token black kids growing up, and now we have all seemed to have found one another. we laugh about incidences growing up that few others, including our parents will understand. memories that only we will have ie metro fm on a sunday whilst you can smell the raja in the kitchen; your grandmother threatening you with castor oil as a remedy for any ailment you may have; the aunties who would give you those awful wet kisses at family gatherings, when all you wanted to do was be at home watching ktv; socials where you had to fall in love with the black guy/girl; people constantly mispronouncing your name. ah, those were the days.

we have been awarded a rare opportunity where we can define who we are as a social group and with social standing. the black kids of today. all those born from the mid-80s onwards (the 90s kids are another breed that we will discuss another day). we should be role models for the generations that follow. give them something to aspire to. make a world that we can call our own.

but these are just my thoughts.

#imjussayin

rabi

no real purpose

Jamie and i originally started this blog with no particular purpose. well, apart from the fact that we kept spamming everyone's wall with our wall posts, it was just a place to right anything and basically everything. it then evolved to a place where we would discuss thing we had learnt about ourselves and the world: relationships, dynamics, economics, anything. jame deals with the intellectual, i deal with the social and emotional. there is something for everyone. but the main focus is on the learning experiences each and every one of us goes through.

now, just because we are hush hush at times, don't for one second think that we are not out there experiencing and learning all there is that the world has to offer. every single day offers new opportunities for growth and development, and don't you forget that little fact. never take your shit for granted!

right now i'm just writing for the sake of writing. i have ideas in my head that are swirling around like an LG whirlpool, but its gathering and sorting that washing that is proving to the be the most difficult thing at the moment. and now that i have a job, i feel that i have to censor what it is that i say now. does anyone else have that feeling, or is it just me? does that happen at one point in your life, where you can no longer have that youthful freedom and have to tailor everything that you say and do to please somebody else? but then at what point are you selling yourself short? cutting yourself out of the deal? losing your sense of spirit?

there's no real purpose to this post. am speaking for the sake of speaking, and truth be told, i do miss all of you in the blogosphere.

but i guess this blog is called #imjussayin for a reason, isnt it :)

rabi

pieces of heart lying everywhere

yesterday i felt emotions i didnt know existed in the general world, let alone that i could harbour such feelings. this freaked me out more than anything in the world, and as usual got me thinking. and you know when i start thinking about the world and relationships within, i have to present them to the forum for a discussion and see if we can unpack this.

on one of my many global excursions i met a boy (as one does). he was amazing. incredible in fact. made me laugh. made me feel awkward. made me feel like a teenager - butterflies and all. nothing happened. when i returned back to the land of the ZAR, i felt compelled to tell him how i felt (a little too late most would say), and he shared the exact same sentiments. we were both upset that neither of us made a move, but couldnt dwell on that. "woop woop" wasnt enough to describe how i felt when i saw that email from him. then sadness dipped into my heart when i realised that we were on opposite sides of the world, and the notion of us being together was just a dream. but a great dream at that.

so, no matter what i would lend a minute to him in my thoughts everyday. just a minute to let my heart have a bit of a flutter. whenever he sent me a mail, my face would break into a huge smile; i would go all warm and fuzzy inside. if i saw him on skype, i would fall off my chair due to the sheer excitement, then run to the bathroom to fix myself up before clicking 'call'. i never let the reality of the situation affect me, and decided instead to enjoy the fantasy. and thank god to me upgrading my phone, everyday communication was no longer a chore. it became a norm.

until he recently broke the news to me that he was in fact gay. hmmmmm. upon reading this, my first thought was 'who stole his phone and is playing this practical joke?' i was in no way prepared for such news, and even worse, what i felt. this was a complete curve ball. did i not notice anything? apparently not.

i have had a fair few friends come out to me. and i have always handled this with grace and elegance, and gone on to support them as much as much as possible. this time there was no grace nor elegance. all i could think was 'so has everything been a lie then?'. and for some unbeknown reason i was trembling and fighting back the tears. what the hell?? i felt sad. i felt betrayed. and to an extent, heartbroken.

and then i realised that i was being completely selfish with my emotions. what was he going through, and how difficult must it have been for him to tell me news like this. but at the same time, i just could not handle this, and was taking a full on minute to process the news. what is the appropriate response in such a situation? when you meet someone, and have an incredible connection and think one thing, but in actual fact you were completely wrong, and not at any single point where you made to think any differently. we were both dealing with the same thing from different perspectives- him receltly coming to terms with his sexuality, and me coming to the terms with not knowing what to feel nor what to think about everything from the moment we met. its a lot to process from both sides, and at the same time difficult to understand.

is it okay to be angry? is it okay to be sad? what is the correct recourse in this situation? what emotions are acceptable? i was feeling things i never knew i was capable of feeling, with an intenstity i almost couldnt bear. is that acceptable? i realised that i liked him a lot more than i thought i did, and that hurt even more. but at the end of the day, he is not to blame. no one is. but now what?

the love that we expressed to one another during this was intense. deep. but can we ever get to where we used to be? my heart still aches whenever i think about it though. it kind of sucks. but i am proud of him too.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

what's your relationship status?

i have been thinking about relationships quite a lot recently. wondering what they mean; what they stand for; the criteria for one; and whether i want one, or am even ready for one, and if so, when will it happen?

most of you know that jamie is in a relationship. some people are shocked by this announcement, and to be honest, when it first came about those many months ago, i was shocked too. i mean, this is my best friend, and for ages it had been me and her against the world. screw relationships. screw love. screw men (well, um...ja, but hopefully you catch my drift). then she entered a relationship with the coolest dude ever, and i noticed a change. a good change. i had always feared that some man would come in and shut down the party, but if anything, he has done the complete opposite, and brought us closer together. and he seems to have removed most, if not all, of the cynism she had towards relationships.

i on the other hand am still holding down the fort. team cynism, lets go! but recently i met someone. this dude. he is cool. we have been hanging out. and its as simple as that. most of my friends have been plaguing me with questions from day 1 about what our relationship status, and my answer has always been the same, "we are not in a relationship. we are just hanging out". and i stuck to this, because even though at times i would question my own beliefs, there was no need for me to think that things were any different. and when i did think differently, a call was immediately made to the war council

then came 'the talk'. yup, that talk. and the minute he brought it up, i started to freak out in my mind. i didnt know what his direction was going to be, and how i would feel about what he would say. what did i want??? did i want to stay where i was? did i want to take that leap? shit!

"I dont want a relationship" he said, and truth be told, i actually breathed a sigh of relief. thank god! this relief did bother me a little bit. was that the appropriate reaction? but we opened the discussion to the floor and decided that we aren't in a relationship and that we are totally comfortable with where we are. we are happy with the way things are. we did establish one rule though, and that is that there is honesty at all times regarding the pace and direction of this non-relationship relationship. we fist bumped to make it official.

now, my question is, is this a realistic endeavour? or have we completely redefined what happens between 2 people? seemingly we are in an open relationship, but do these really actually work? and if so, how? can they be successful with one person not getting hurt? and are they really fair to both parties involved? in essence, we are having our cake and eating it, but doesnt too much cake make you sick? we all saw how that fat kid suffered through those chocolate cakes in Matilda. and is there the possibilty that we could find ourselves in the same relationship location as jamie? or are we just wasting our time?

and with these answers pending, do you sign out now to avoid finding out, or do you just wait it out and learn from experience?

does the relationship still mean what it used to mean?

i dont know, but hey #imjussayin

in my spare time ...

not exactly in my spare time, there is no spare time, but time can be made spare at the expense of less interesting endeavours.

i was just doing some work and profiling bhp billiton. this company's revenue for 2010 amounted to about US$52 billion. anyway, so i looked up the IMF's 2010 estimates for the GDP of African countries ...as one does. in this table, all the countries in green have GDPs that are less than the revenue of BHP Billiton-one company. tis ridiculous.

#imjussayin

jamie