drunk vs sober hook ups

it's saturday night. you are having a good time. shots are being poured. drinks are being thrown back. the sounds of laughter, music and slurred speech are in the air. you look across the dancefloor, and you see the  most "beautiful" (this is gauged differently throughout the evening as each drink is consumed) girl/guy you have ever seen. your loins start shouting, "Must. Have. That."

you realise that normal you would never have the courage to approach this being. but inebriated you is a completely different story. you pluck up your courage and do something about this. one thing leads to another, and you end up finding a lover for the evening.

when you are boozed, you are the best you you can be (as far as you are concerned). fearless. more attractive, intelligent, witty. why wouldn't people want to hook up with you? there is no such thing as "fear of rejection" or "standards" in this situation. you always have the excuse of "i was drunk"; "i wasn't in the right state of mind"; "huh? i hooked up??". when drunk, it is a situation of primitive sexual gratification. you are going to get some, no matter who/where it comes from (this is either followed by a high five from your friends, or a slap in the face).

show of hands: how many of you have hooked up with someone for the first time, and been stone cold sober (this question isn't applicable to those who don't drink. you are a breed i do not understand, and never will understand)? if your hand is up, "bravo!"  I had this experience once, and i don't know about you, but it threw me. people are attracted to each other without wine being in the mix? people can be intimate without having a few jagermeisters first? huh? what?

the thing that threw me is that unlike hooking up in a drunken situation, this type you can't brush off. this type carries a little more weight. this type takes a conscious sober effort to get down. it takes a rational mind to strategise how it is going to happen (no dancefloor. damnit!) there is calculated thought and process that goes into this. a fine example is dating. everything part of it is meticulously planned out, so that by the end of it, you can get you some boootay (although most dates will include some drinking to calm the nerves).

so what am i trying to ultimately say about the drunken hook up versus the sober hook up? the drunk version is just fun. satisfying a primal need. and satisfying it now. the sober one on the other hand takes a lot more time and effort. and it is more than just a physical satisfaction, there is something deeper there.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

stop to smell the flowers

earlier this year i bought a book. it was a very good book. however, it took me so long to get through the first half, because i just never had time. between work commitments and social commitments, when i got home, all i would want to do was lie on the couch and turn my brain off whilst i watched some series.

then one day, i took a bold step and a blanket, and headed for the park. yes, the park. and this was during my lunch break. the 1hr and 15mins in my day that i have to get away from the office, eat and recharge.

ever since that first day, i have never looked back. i head to the park religiously every single day. and don't feel happy if i am unable to go. i finished my book at a normal speed when this happened, and moved onto the next book. but it wasn't even about the book.

it was about taking that time to myself. we are all so busy with life, that we very rarely take the time to just live. time however is a luxury. running between clients, meeting deadlines, pulling hair out, leaves very little of the GMT +2 that you can use for yourself. to get back to you, and allow yourself to just be.

but 1hr a day is all that you need. and trust me, it feels amazing. you feel refreshed, and ready to get back into it when you return to the office (albeit, a little bit depressed because you have to return to the office). life stops looking so mundane and boring. you have a fresh new perspective on things, and it does make you that little bit happier.

find something you love. and whilst doing that, stop, and take time to smell the flowers.

but hey, #imjussayin
rabi

(image found on http://www.whatsonincapetown.com/post/venue-de-waal-park/)

'tsek!

there are many phrases and adages in the south african culture that are fantastically dismissive, with voetsek! (or the variation, ’tsek!) being the one that crosses cultural boundaries in this hot pot of a country. yet despite this dismissive-when-fed-up element of our culture, south africans as taxpayers have been complacent – as if there is an income ceiling for mass action. there are two particular things – actually three – that have caused me frustration this year, as a taxpayer – these induced the above thought.

the first is having official municipal car guards outside my office, charging R8/hour (i know this has been happening in Cape Town for a while, but it is new to the City of Gold). so this is in addition to my taxes? okay deep breath...

the second thing was the tolls (which have thankfully been put off for a while), but this essentially targets people moving into Johannesburg, of which there are an estimated 2 million, daily. these 2 million people are, largely, not coming to socialise, but to work and contribute to the continent's largest city-economy (fun fact: jo'burg's gdp is larger than all african countries, apart from south africa, nigeria and angola). so, again, this is in addition to our taxes? deeper breath...

and thirdly, came the cherry on this advantage-taking cake: the auditor general's report which said that there had been R1.4 billion worth of 'unauthorised expenditure' in gauteng in 2010/2011 and R48 billion worth of 'irregular expenditure'.

so, as a taxpayer, i should pay for services that should be included in my taxes, such as parking and using the highway, while the province spends R49.4 billion in a manner that seems to be a great mystery? 'tsek!


anyway, #imjussayin

jamie

2 amazing guys doing amazing things

i don't like to use this blog forum to promote anything. it's not my style. but if i believe in something so passionately, it just needs to be shared with the people who happen to stumble upon this space in their day to day lives.

how often have you sat around thinking that you want to explore the world. leave your desk job, and travel to places no one has ever dreamt of exploring. taste culinary delights never imagined. engage with old towns people you never thought you ever would. explore the world, and yourself in ways that you possibly can't fathom? and then realise that you have this responsibility, that responsibility, and the million and three other things on your to-do list. "i will eventually do it" you always seem to say.

well these two incredible creatures said, "screw that" and post university decided to embark on adventure i can't even imagine. just the 2 of them, a map, their bicycles and a little bit of hope, they have ventured on a journey, travelling from london to cape town.

5 months in and from what i have read on their blog, they are having the most incredible journey. when i am lucky to bump into them online, i get more snippets of the underworlds they have explored, in places most of us have never heard of.

i wanted to upload a video of their border crossings, but i can't seem to be able to do it. fuck. but read about the incredible things these 2 guys, tom and matt are getting up to. and live vicariously through them. it's what i do everyday, and i fear that we will no longer be friends when they return.

blog: tomandmattcycle.com
facebook: tom and matt cycle - the road less travelled
twitter: @tomandmattcycle

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

you, me and everybody time

i got home tonight to a dark house with no electricity. i was semi-okay with this. the only thing that worried me was the cold shower that i would have to take in the morning. and this was the only thing that compelled me to drive all over the southern suburbs looking for a shop that would sell me electricity. the thought that i could light some candles, pour a fat whisky, and listen to some smooth jazz from my laptop (with whatever battery power that i was allowed) was the appealing side of the coin.

i did eventually find electricity. and as thomas edison said, "let there be light", there it was. happy? no, not really. because now that i had power, i had no real reason to still light my candles, pour the whisky, and listen to some smooth jazz. hmmmm. what now? who the fuck cares? lights off. candles on. whisky poured. and django reinhardt coming out of the speakers. i call this my little piece of heaven.

alone time has got to be the most underrated thing in the world. we all seek love and belonging to social groups, and want to be accepted by these groups. to be constantly surrounded by people. feeling really uncomfortable when we are alone. i know a lot of people who can't sit in a cafe, let alone, go to a movie without someone with them. i find these alone times to be the most fulfilling.

sitting on your own, and getting comfortable in your own space is the biggest reward you can give to yourself. it's time that you allow yourself to just be you, with no judgment from people on the outside. you can dictate your thoughts, come to your own conclusions, make your own decisions. think about who it is that you really are, when you don't have other people around defining you.

i'm a huge advocate for alone time. it is something that unfortunately i never get the luxury of having. but when i do get it, oh boy do i cherish it. moments when you are by yourself cannot be ruined. there is no vibe killer, or party pooper. only you. just the way you came out of this world, and the way you will leave it, alone.

we do need people. but we also need ourselves. so take time, to just be with you. once in a while. now pour yourself that glass of wine, and grab that dvd/book/magazine/porn item/crossword puzzle/sudoku book/journal, and spend some quality time with you.

but hey, #imjussayin
rabi

another life lesson

i once met a boy. boy and i became good friends. feelings started to develop for said boy. and i could see that said boy felt the same. then one day i mustered up the courage to say how i felt. if not to be bold and daring, then it was because i generally am a complete idiot when it comes to the opposite sex (on some other kind of level. i guess i didn't get those tutorials that were given to all girls at the age of 13. i made up my own rules. rules that still don't seem to be working. but i digress).

so i told said boy how i felt. i wasn't expecting much to be honest. i was, and am, a pro at this kind of thing, so knew how to handle myself. i eagerly waited for a response...and waited...and waited...then i got one..."i'll holler back". huh? what? pie in my face.

i left it. wasn't upset, because hadn't been told anything. was pissed off, because i hadn't been told anything. said boy still wanted to hang out with me. so i let this slide, and we were good mates yet again.

then said boy started seeing a friend of mine. don't worry, at this point i was over said boy. however, i was completely oblivious to it all, until friend asked me something that indicated that they were seeing each other. pie in my face. said boy had said nothing. i was the fool at the table.

i got angry with said boy. now there were 2 pies in my face. but got over it, because i don't take too kindly to getting pie in my face, and don't like playing the pie throwing game. the issue for me wasn't that said boy was seeing friend, it was the disrespect that he treated our relationship, and me.

and that's where this story about said boy is going. respect in relationships. in this world, we live on a love train, or at least want to get aboard the love train. but the minute you treat someone whom you love with disrespect, and are not honest with them, you get kicked off without getting your ticket punched. honesty in any relationship is the most important thing, because without it, what do you have? a tunnel of lies that you have to dig deeper and not out of. it shows a lack of character in the person who is being dishonest, and causes both parties to take a closer look at themselves.

i am writing this post mainly to bitch and vent, but also to bring a lesson out of this. every single person in this world is a special, remarkable human being and has something to offer. don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise. build yourself up, and surround yourself with positivity and positive people. people who make you feel better, and make you want to be better. people who piss all over you, can just fuck off. you don't need them in your life. take care of yourself first, because at the end of the day, its you and you alone. and you want to be happy and love yourself at that point.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

what doesn't kill you

i'm generally not a very stressful person. i take things as they come, and if something unexpected occurs that i am not a fan on, i just deal with it head on. external pressures generally don't phase me. it's the internal pressure that gets me every time. but even that doesn't happen often enough.

but somehow this past month, the external pressures have affected the internal pressures, and lets just say that it has not been pretty. really. it resembled the clutch out of 2010 but was a little different because it wasnt a case of me not feeling comfortable in my space, it was a case of me having to get a lot of bruises and scars in order to learn from them no matter how hard it would be.

so work has been a nightmare. with things not just working out the way one would want to. ordinarily i would say that you can't let things like other people affect who you are and how you view yourself. but sometimes without your knowledge this stuff happens, and before you know it you are in a blubbering heap in the shower feeling sorry for yourself. needless to say, it was extremely tough, and completely affected by energy. i had a dark cloud that followed me everywhere, and this did not sit well with me at all.

but after yet another one of my freakouts, i had a think. and as obvious as it may seem, i only then realised that these knocks in life are there to teach you. to help you grow as a person. and to help you to discover who it is you really are. its when you are at your worst that you take a close look at things and make decisions about the kind of person you want to be. not for everyone else, but for yourself.

so that's what i did. i thought about who i was, and what i was turning into, and to be honest i wasnt a fan of the person looking back at me in the mirror. life is tough. if it wasn't, what would the point be. we all have to go through difficult times, and its the lessons that we learn from those times that really makes us who we are. throughout our lives we will encounter difficulties, they are unavoidable. you may want to call it quits. but believe it or not, as cheesy as it sounds, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. and one day, you can look back and either think that you were being a little bitch, or think that the pain and tortured you endured helped you become a stronger person and deal with things later in life.

so it's true what they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi