you, me and everybody time

i got home tonight to a dark house with no electricity. i was semi-okay with this. the only thing that worried me was the cold shower that i would have to take in the morning. and this was the only thing that compelled me to drive all over the southern suburbs looking for a shop that would sell me electricity. the thought that i could light some candles, pour a fat whisky, and listen to some smooth jazz from my laptop (with whatever battery power that i was allowed) was the appealing side of the coin.

i did eventually find electricity. and as thomas edison said, "let there be light", there it was. happy? no, not really. because now that i had power, i had no real reason to still light my candles, pour the whisky, and listen to some smooth jazz. hmmmm. what now? who the fuck cares? lights off. candles on. whisky poured. and django reinhardt coming out of the speakers. i call this my little piece of heaven.

alone time has got to be the most underrated thing in the world. we all seek love and belonging to social groups, and want to be accepted by these groups. to be constantly surrounded by people. feeling really uncomfortable when we are alone. i know a lot of people who can't sit in a cafe, let alone, go to a movie without someone with them. i find these alone times to be the most fulfilling.

sitting on your own, and getting comfortable in your own space is the biggest reward you can give to yourself. it's time that you allow yourself to just be you, with no judgment from people on the outside. you can dictate your thoughts, come to your own conclusions, make your own decisions. think about who it is that you really are, when you don't have other people around defining you.

i'm a huge advocate for alone time. it is something that unfortunately i never get the luxury of having. but when i do get it, oh boy do i cherish it. moments when you are by yourself cannot be ruined. there is no vibe killer, or party pooper. only you. just the way you came out of this world, and the way you will leave it, alone.

we do need people. but we also need ourselves. so take time, to just be with you. once in a while. now pour yourself that glass of wine, and grab that dvd/book/magazine/porn item/crossword puzzle/sudoku book/journal, and spend some quality time with you.

but hey, #imjussayin
rabi

another life lesson

i once met a boy. boy and i became good friends. feelings started to develop for said boy. and i could see that said boy felt the same. then one day i mustered up the courage to say how i felt. if not to be bold and daring, then it was because i generally am a complete idiot when it comes to the opposite sex (on some other kind of level. i guess i didn't get those tutorials that were given to all girls at the age of 13. i made up my own rules. rules that still don't seem to be working. but i digress).

so i told said boy how i felt. i wasn't expecting much to be honest. i was, and am, a pro at this kind of thing, so knew how to handle myself. i eagerly waited for a response...and waited...and waited...then i got one..."i'll holler back". huh? what? pie in my face.

i left it. wasn't upset, because hadn't been told anything. was pissed off, because i hadn't been told anything. said boy still wanted to hang out with me. so i let this slide, and we were good mates yet again.

then said boy started seeing a friend of mine. don't worry, at this point i was over said boy. however, i was completely oblivious to it all, until friend asked me something that indicated that they were seeing each other. pie in my face. said boy had said nothing. i was the fool at the table.

i got angry with said boy. now there were 2 pies in my face. but got over it, because i don't take too kindly to getting pie in my face, and don't like playing the pie throwing game. the issue for me wasn't that said boy was seeing friend, it was the disrespect that he treated our relationship, and me.

and that's where this story about said boy is going. respect in relationships. in this world, we live on a love train, or at least want to get aboard the love train. but the minute you treat someone whom you love with disrespect, and are not honest with them, you get kicked off without getting your ticket punched. honesty in any relationship is the most important thing, because without it, what do you have? a tunnel of lies that you have to dig deeper and not out of. it shows a lack of character in the person who is being dishonest, and causes both parties to take a closer look at themselves.

i am writing this post mainly to bitch and vent, but also to bring a lesson out of this. every single person in this world is a special, remarkable human being and has something to offer. don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise. build yourself up, and surround yourself with positivity and positive people. people who make you feel better, and make you want to be better. people who piss all over you, can just fuck off. you don't need them in your life. take care of yourself first, because at the end of the day, its you and you alone. and you want to be happy and love yourself at that point.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

what doesn't kill you

i'm generally not a very stressful person. i take things as they come, and if something unexpected occurs that i am not a fan on, i just deal with it head on. external pressures generally don't phase me. it's the internal pressure that gets me every time. but even that doesn't happen often enough.

but somehow this past month, the external pressures have affected the internal pressures, and lets just say that it has not been pretty. really. it resembled the clutch out of 2010 but was a little different because it wasnt a case of me not feeling comfortable in my space, it was a case of me having to get a lot of bruises and scars in order to learn from them no matter how hard it would be.

so work has been a nightmare. with things not just working out the way one would want to. ordinarily i would say that you can't let things like other people affect who you are and how you view yourself. but sometimes without your knowledge this stuff happens, and before you know it you are in a blubbering heap in the shower feeling sorry for yourself. needless to say, it was extremely tough, and completely affected by energy. i had a dark cloud that followed me everywhere, and this did not sit well with me at all.

but after yet another one of my freakouts, i had a think. and as obvious as it may seem, i only then realised that these knocks in life are there to teach you. to help you grow as a person. and to help you to discover who it is you really are. its when you are at your worst that you take a close look at things and make decisions about the kind of person you want to be. not for everyone else, but for yourself.

so that's what i did. i thought about who i was, and what i was turning into, and to be honest i wasnt a fan of the person looking back at me in the mirror. life is tough. if it wasn't, what would the point be. we all have to go through difficult times, and its the lessons that we learn from those times that really makes us who we are. throughout our lives we will encounter difficulties, they are unavoidable. you may want to call it quits. but believe it or not, as cheesy as it sounds, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. and one day, you can look back and either think that you were being a little bitch, or think that the pain and tortured you endured helped you become a stronger person and deal with things later in life.

so it's true what they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

can i have a little anthem with a side of butchered f&*% up

i am sure that you have all seen the ard matthews clip from supersport. the one where he 'sings' the national anthem? if not, have a look.

watching this clip was one of the most painful 2:15mins of my life. it was like watching a car crash where you don't like what you see, but you can't look away. let's discuss...

we as south africans are a very proud group of people. we are quick to judge and scrutinise our country, and more often than not, threaten to leave. but if one person takes one jab at our country, we are up in arms and are quick to defend our birthplace and our home. and having someone anally rape the national anthem is one of the deepest stabs to our belly.

yes, ard matthews made a complete fool of himself on national television, and i will be interested to see how his PR team handles this one. sex and drug scandals are easy to sort out, but this kind of shenanigan, not so much. but he highlighted a problem that a lot of south africans have, and that i have most definitely noticed growing up.

our national anthem is such an intricate part of our country's history. it was the first mark of democracy and equality. it signified us moving forward as one, and growing as a nation. i remember being in grade 1 in 1994, and having to learn how to draw the new south african flag, and learn the new anthem. it was the beginning of a new world. a world filled with growth and opportunity.

there are 4 verses in 4 different languages: xhosa, sesotho, afrikaans and english. we have a11 official languages, but to put all of them in a song would keep us singing for 3 hours straight; so we have 4. these are 4 important verses that every single south african should know, with no excuses. if you cant pronounce the words, thats okay, as long as you get the gist of it, and are still able to sing the entire song with pride. but the problem is that too many people don't know all 4 verses. they only know 2, namely english and afrikaans.

you have all heard it. when you are in a big stadium or hall, or even a bar, and everyone gets up to sing the anthem with their hands on their hearts. there are people singing, trying their best, but the minute 'uit die blou...' starts, the crowd erupts, and sings from a part of themselves that wasnt present at the beginning. suddenly the words to the song come back to them.

now this is just embarrassing. appalling in fact. it highlights the segregation that we are trying so hard to fight. i don't know if its a case of people not wanting or not willing to learn the whole anthem, but it just isnt right. i get upset about it, and i have black friends and white friends alike who are also insulted by this.

how is it that people don't know the anthem? are you no longer taught it at junior school? where is this falling off the map?

yes, ard matthews royally f&*%ed up, but he just highlighted a problem that a lot of people are experiencing, and that needs to be addressed. we should be proud of who we are, and how far we have come, and something as simple as not knowing the anthem is a slap to the face of millions.

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

the human touch

in this new digital age of twitter, facebook, bbm, skype and the million other communication media and social networks, it is a lot easier to keep in touch with a lot more people. you are kept up to date as to the comings and goings of your friends, you can maintain contact with those in distant lands, and you can find long lost loves and friends whom you thought you would never see or hear from again.

that's great, right? or is it?

with communication taking this turn, yes we are kept abreast of what's what, but what we are losing, and missing out on is that basic human contact that you, me and everyone else needs. it is a basic human need, that feeling of love and belonging (maslows 3rd level thank you very much). human contact provides that acceptance that the digital age doesn't allow us.

i have two very good male friends. i can easily count them amongst my best friends. and whenever i leave them, i am filled with this feeling of hope, comfort, confidence, happiness, optimism, and just good old fashioned love. and no, i am not in love with either of these two, they are the kind of people who aren't remotely afraid of human contact. they are always there with a hug filled with good energy, touch your arm when they talk to you in order to fully engage with you, are around in your personal space. they are not only in contact with you with words, but also with their whole being.

and that is the essence of human contact, where you can completely envelope someone in whatever communication you are trying to achieve. it boosts your self esteem and makes you feel just grand. which is something that is slipping away quicker than i care to imagine thanks to this new digital age. don't get it twisted, i am appreciative of my facebook, twitter and skype accounts, but think that communication between people shouldnt stop there. there is more that can be said with a hug, than can ever be said via a QWERTY board.

this contact is an important component of growth and development of our species, and i fear that it is falling at the wayside. with human contact you can transfer a lot more energy from one person to the next, than any other way. human contact never lies like words do. it is the truth, and the truth that has a more positive effect on you than anything that you can do on your own.

so, even though we are all busy with our lives. trying to get somewhere. trying to run away from somewhere else. take a moment. give a hug. be open. and you will be surprised at the difference it makes. its some other kind of awesome.

*hug*

but hey, #imjussayin

rabi

colour blind

when i was a little girl, i remember sitting in the passenger seat of my mom's blue honda ballade on our way home and i was telling her this riveting tale about my friends melissa, tamlyn, and maybe even jessica. after i regaled her with this tale of epic proportions, she turned to me and said, 'you know, you are colourblind.' 'huh?' i responded, clearly seeing the robot turning green in front of me, and she then explained to me that i don't see colour and that i am friends with who i want to be friends with, and not based on their racial grouping. this was around 1995. and the fact that i went to a whites-only school obviously had NOTHING to do with the fact that all my friends were white.

as i grew up, my white friends grew up with me. and the number of them increased. i didnt see anything wrong with this. there were moments when i thought that i didnt relate to these friends of mine on a certain level e.g. commiserating with them when you told them your dad went to fetch a belt because you were being cheeky, or thinking about and craving that sunday lunch smell you find only at your grandmothers house after church, but this didn't phase me. this was the generation of the new south africa. we were all going to be friends forever.

i was the token black girl in many situations. for most of my life in fact. at parties, girls would introduce me to the only other black guy there and assume it would be love at first site. really???? the temptation to introduce taryn to the ugliest steve i had seen in my life was overwhelming. i mean, he is white too, surely it should be love at first site?? but this was the norm.

and as i got older and older, i started to accrue more and more black friends. i realised that there were other people who had been in the same situation as me. being the token, and having predominantly white friends. and not just others, there was a whole generation of us. and upon entering university, it was as though a whole new world had opened up to me. a place where this new generation of modern day black kids could all relate to one another on a level that no one else would understand. our own little world if you must.

my dad was elated about this progress, as he never failed to warn me that this sunshine and moonbeams world that i have created for myself where everyone rides unicorns and drinks mojitos, does not exist. there were innumerable warnings about the real world and the work place - "in this world, blacks and whites are not friends. this is the reality of the situation, my child" he would say. "psshhh" i would reply. but this thought always sat in the back of my mind.

i then started working this year, and finally saw exactly what it was what he meant. i found it alarming, but strangely enough, i was not very surprised. i walked into the building confident, feeling great and ready to make a name and place for myself. the reception i received wasnt as favourable as i was hoping for. "hmmmmm, this is interesting".

what i noticed, and have been noticing, is that there is a definite divide in the work place. the general tone is that there are the white kids, and there are the black and coloured kids. its an interesting thing to see in the working world, where majority of the work force are in their mid-late 20s and early 30s, and that this divide is still so prevalent.

but perhaps its because there are actual differences between us. cultural and social difference. there are things that, like i said before, i can relate to on a much better level with black people, especially this new generation. we were all token black kids growing up, and now we have all seemed to have found one another. we laugh about incidences growing up that few others, including our parents will understand. memories that only we will have ie metro fm on a sunday whilst you can smell the raja in the kitchen; your grandmother threatening you with castor oil as a remedy for any ailment you may have; the aunties who would give you those awful wet kisses at family gatherings, when all you wanted to do was be at home watching ktv; socials where you had to fall in love with the black guy/girl; people constantly mispronouncing your name. ah, those were the days.

we have been awarded a rare opportunity where we can define who we are as a social group and with social standing. the black kids of today. all those born from the mid-80s onwards (the 90s kids are another breed that we will discuss another day). we should be role models for the generations that follow. give them something to aspire to. make a world that we can call our own.

but these are just my thoughts.

#imjussayin

rabi

no real purpose

Jamie and i originally started this blog with no particular purpose. well, apart from the fact that we kept spamming everyone's wall with our wall posts, it was just a place to right anything and basically everything. it then evolved to a place where we would discuss thing we had learnt about ourselves and the world: relationships, dynamics, economics, anything. jame deals with the intellectual, i deal with the social and emotional. there is something for everyone. but the main focus is on the learning experiences each and every one of us goes through.

now, just because we are hush hush at times, don't for one second think that we are not out there experiencing and learning all there is that the world has to offer. every single day offers new opportunities for growth and development, and don't you forget that little fact. never take your shit for granted!

right now i'm just writing for the sake of writing. i have ideas in my head that are swirling around like an LG whirlpool, but its gathering and sorting that washing that is proving to the be the most difficult thing at the moment. and now that i have a job, i feel that i have to censor what it is that i say now. does anyone else have that feeling, or is it just me? does that happen at one point in your life, where you can no longer have that youthful freedom and have to tailor everything that you say and do to please somebody else? but then at what point are you selling yourself short? cutting yourself out of the deal? losing your sense of spirit?

there's no real purpose to this post. am speaking for the sake of speaking, and truth be told, i do miss all of you in the blogosphere.

but i guess this blog is called #imjussayin for a reason, isnt it :)

rabi